So first of all I know maybe I won’t want him back after a no contact period anyway, but right now I’m in the post break up “OH GOD I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THIS PERSON” phase and I just want opinions on this rather than people telling me to “just move on and you do you.” That is my plan and I don’t have any expectations but…humor me? here’s the story:

My ex (34 M) and I (30F) broke up last weekend after three years together. We got in a little bit of a complacent rut during the pandemic, and I think it made it worse that I am still working and he is not. He fell into a pretty deep depression and it was the old script of “I don’t know if I can deal with being in a relationship right now.” I agreed to a “break” at first and then immediately realized that that’s wrong and called him in anger to break it off officially.

I immediately regretted and felt guilty for being so angry and reacted by doing pretty much every “break up” rule wrong. First and most awkwardly, BEFORE I got angry and called him (a couple days before) I had written him a very nice letter and already sent it before I decided I just wanted out. He probably got it shortly after I called him. The day after I texted to apologize I had a little bit of a breakdown about something unrelated and sent a really long text (which is NOT like me to do at all) about how much I needed him in my life. Yes. I know. It’s embarrassing. When he didn’t respond to that I sent ANOTHER text because I’m an absolute fool telling him I need to come pick things up that are still at his apartment and telling him if he doesn’t want to hear from me any more it’s fine I just need my stuff first. Yeah. Again. I know. Embarrassing. WELL he did reply and say he had just been taking things really hard and was feeling overwhelmed processing and we got into an actually very nice conversation that had nothing to do with breaking up at all, but of course I had to f*** up ONE MORE TIME and somehow that conversation turned INTO more talking about the break up and at the end of it he got very overwhelmed and just said he had to go.

So I am going “no contact” now the way I should have probably 4 days ago before I made like every dumb break up mistake one can make if they think they actually might want someone back. I am also kind of .a believer that “time heals all wounds” and all that, but it seems like I really muffed this one. I don’t even recognize who I’ve been since we started breaking up. So what do you think, is it salvagable with time apart or did I just absolutely scare this person away forever?