Quarantine stress has really messed my sleep schedule up, which means I have a lot of super late nights when thoughts start spiralling. This seems a convenient place to let them out.
I find myself super frustrated with the whole vibe of online dating, as I know many other people are too.
As a teenager, I was never super interested in dating. With my anxiety/depression, I felt like too much of a burden and instead wanted to focus more on improving myself so I could be the partner someone deserves. I turned down a really great guy because of this, but I know he didn't deserve to be treated the way I likely would have treated him.
Flash forward several years: I'm at university and I feel I've come far enough to start dating. I'm not interested in any co-workers, I never meet people I'm interested in during classes, so I figured dating apps were the way to go. After a couple of half-tries, I finally got super into them last year. At the moment I'm active on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.
I've found myself stuck in an endless cycle of matching with guys who only show an active interest in ONS or FWB, or seem to use a bait and switch to try and get those sort of things out of me. I have no issue whatsoever with casual relationships, I'd be a hypocrite if I did, but after a while, it gets kind of old to me. Sometimes I want those dull conversations about how work was, rather than being sent random dick pics.
If I do manage to get a date with a guy, it always goes somewhat okay to pretty good. Even if it feels to me like we could have potential or got along good enough to see each other again, the spark is never there for him so we never do. I know I don't always give off the best first impression, and I'm a firm believer in attraction growing rather than there being an instant spark. It just never seems like the other person believes in that same sentiment.
Don't get me wrong; I don't want to force things or have a relationship for the sake of having one. It's just the feeling of loneliness is really building up as the months and years go by. I've never been in a relationship, and the more time passes it makes me feel like I never will be. To make matters worse, almost all of my friends are in LTR (getting engaged, having kids, buying houses), so being surrounded by them makes me wonder when. And what is so horribly wrong with me that no one seems to want to give me a chance?
submitted by /u/ModifiedFicus
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