Let me preface this with this is not a "woe is me" situation, and more of a, "I need outsiders perspective looking in" kind of deal. I've read the rules on the sidebar and hoping I don't break any, also throwaway account to save face.
The COVID pandemic has given me some time to ponder, and along with being a bit lonely right now, I've never generally asked for advice outside of my friends and family, and in their position, they always give positive support/feedback, and although I don't expect anything less or more, it does seem like a cop-out after a while and does make many (myself included) question themselves, so here I am.
I'm a 25-year-old male who has been single about the last ~8 months or so, after a 3-year relationship that ended badly, not on my terms, but that is okay! I know it wasn't from me and I'm in a better place now because of it, as far as how the rest of my life might have played out still being with that person.
Now before my last relationship, I had no problem securing a date/girlfriend/sex, etc, was pretty damn arrogant, and a tad bit immature. I've had ~20 intimate partners and about over half of them have ended up being in relationships. I usually shoot for people i think are realistically "in my league", then and now, and would say about 20% of them were in the "very attractive range", another 20% in the "I/A minority of people would find them attractive (due to conflicts of what people find attractive, or bluntly looking back, some of them weren't), and the remainder being "in my league".
Now let's cover another subject that might be an asking matter, what do I consider "my league", and the answer to that begins with myself. I consider myself a 5. Now I know a lot of people might think that's low, or not correct, or too high perhaps, I'll let you be the judge of that, that's why I'm here. Here's my justification – I'm not particularly fit, and I'm not particularly overweight either, my looks are neither a sight for sore eyes nor are they pleasing to stare at all the time, I'm not super tall nor super-short, my teeth are there and straight, but not particularly immaculate, my personaility isn't shit but it also isn't outgoing and gung ho, simply put 5 is in the middle, and that's what I would say I am, absolutely average. And let me tell you, I know that's okay, with Hollywood, TV, Movies, influencers, and ads, I feel like a lot gets misconstrued on what is average and realize some things are genetic and/or can be acquired with money.
I believe my personality to be pretty good, I'm laid back, have a good sense of humour, am not clingy or needy, but will show attention when it's wanted, if I get blown off or someone is not interested I take it with stride and just assume the chemistry or interest is not there, and that's fine with me as well, as I've been the person who's not interested or has no chemistry.
My life as far as where I should be at as a 25-year-old single adult is pretty solid, I have a decent (but not great, remember I'm average) job, drive a decent car (2015 Civic) and live in a decent part of town that some would consider "expensive" in my city. I do not have baggage (divorce, kids, debt) and do not reflect my view of how bad my past relationship was upon future suitors, going to college, pretty progressive and open-minded, and don't have any "undesirable habits" (hard drug use, alcoholic, etc), and I'm definitely not afraid to put myself out there – I flirt, can carry a good conversation, am not afraid to go out by myself, and am willing/have gone to events with like-minded individuals with the pure intention to be there for whatever the event is, not to find someone, as to enjoy myself and not set standards.
Here's the trouble I'm having – in my 8 months of new-found bachelor life, I've had about 4-5 first dates, with only 1 continuing to be nice conversation to have, but clearly wasn't interested in me intimately because she got back with her ex after a few months and didn't express any interest, which is fine, our friendship may open new doors and she is a pretty cool person to hang out with and talk to still to this day, I have had one new sexual partner but that only lasted a few months and she wasn't "looking to commit to anyone" and it went nowhere beyond the bedroom, the others II don't hear from anymore, and outside of that i have managed to snag a few (4-5 phone numbers) but they seem to lose interest before I can even secure the first date.
So what gives? Why is it so hard to find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship or hell, just make it past the first date? For reference it seemed as though most of my first dates went well, as I never felt awkward at any of them, and most would carry the conversation with me, and had mutual interests and shared good laughs. Hell even one girl brought her dog over for a play date and he pissed on my floor and I just laughed it off and cleaned it up for her – not saying she owed me anything from that, just saying i'm pretty casual, laid back, and can have a good laugh about something like that. I keep my apartment relatively clean in case you're wondering as well, so when she was over I promise it wasn't "oh he doesn't care and this place is dirty kind of thing"
Pictures so you guys can judge me for yourselves: https://imgur.com/a/v1uY4sK
I'm on the left of the pictures, if you couldn't gather that, also there's my dog because he looks better than me and the internet loves good bois.
Can't wait to hear your advice/opinions/whatever!
submitted by /u/SingleTryToMingle
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