Am I being paranoid?

Hi Fellows,

This is my first post. Please excuse grammatical mistakes.

I am 27F. I got committed in a relationship wen i was 20 after 6 years of on and off relationship. I finally got rid of the guy.

That relationship was so toxic. Too much of verbal and physical abuse. The reason I left him was he was so manipulative towards me. Lied to me about my friends and many situation. At the end I don't know what is true.. what s lie. I broke up with him.. no contact so far.

Now after a year, I was finally relieved and started dating again. Met a guy who proposed for marriage on first date but I wasn't attracted to him so I ended it after few dates but we stayed friends.

Then after few months I met another guy we went on one date. It was best n wild night of my life. I liked him so much. He was so crazy and interesting but was on divorce process. But he met with an accident a day after after date. So I waited for him for almost 1 month.

But eventually I started talking to a guy from Facebook. He was attracted to me. After talking to him, I liked him too. He s tech guy but have artistic side. Good in photography. First it started with attraction but eventually after meeting him I felt he is a guy with no luck in finding love. Just like went through alot in future.

We immediately clicked. I told him everything about my past. He also told me about him. We meet 3 times before we went on lockdown.

One was our first meet, we went to beach talked and kissed before leaving.

Second was at house party with his friend, we had sex that day. It was his first time. Next day we both went on trip for personal and business reasons.

Wen I returned, he missed me so much we went for long drive that wen he asked me to marry him. I am from India. His mother already agreed for our marriage which is big thing here. It's a love cum arranged marriage.

But Next we went on our first lockdown due to coronavirus. Now after 40+ days later. My mom met him and agreed for marriage.

Now my problem is I am always in my mind thinking something worst is gonna happen. My mind is not allowing me to enjoy this relationship where I dont cry everyday and everyone is happy that we found each other.

I was so hurt in the past and trusting my current bf is so hard for me now. But he a very cool, mature and kind hearted person. We are moving forward because of good understanding between us and him.

Am i being paranoid?

I am hoping for better future. ?