Am I completely unlovable?

I (25F) got a pretty late start to the dating scene. I was 20 when I had my first real relationship, and that was also when I had sex for the first time. I’ve had a pretty sheltered life, and I went to an all-girls’ catholic high school. All my friends dated in high school, and most of them had had sex by the time they were 18. But I was just never really interested in romance and intimacy at that age.

Once I was in college, that changed quite a bit. I felt more sure of myself and what I wanted. I also felt like a had a lot more freedom, being out of the house everyday on my own, with my own car. I met my first boyfriend in college, and that went pretty well. We were together probably about two months before we had sex because he didn’t want to rush me into it. Afterward, the relationship kind of deteriorated into something a little more harmful.

I’ve always been overweight, with a big butt and large breasts. Pretty curvy, but still definitely overweight. At some point in the relationship it started feeling like my body was the only thing that mattered to him. So I relied heavily on sex appeal to keep him engaged, because I felt like that was my only draw. Eventually, he started telling me that my body was “good enough for now” but he could see himself losing interest in the future if I didn’t change.

Since then I’ve had a similar pattern of interactions with men. They’re all about my body, and only my body, and when I want more suddenly I’m not good enough. If I set boundaries, men don’t respect them. If I go into something casual, I get completely fetishized.

Recently, I had a man that seemed genuinely interested, and tell me he was looking for something more serious. After a couple months of chatting and flirting, we spent some time together and we had sex. Afterward, he went completely AWOL.

I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, or why I can’t find someone that values me. How can I overcome the fetishizing and degradation that constantly comes with dating?