I’m (22f) dating a guy (24m) who has admitted that his texting habits are really bad and doesn’t check his phone often. He has been working in a hospital for a while now, but always makes the effort to reply within a day or two, so it didn’t bother me. I know that might seem sluggish to some, but I’ve gotten used to it, especially since that’s how he’d been consistently texting in that manner. I didn’t sweat it, especially since we met up in person a few weeks ago and are still talking. In total, I think it’s been 3 months.
I have his number but we mostly communicate via Instagram. It was normal to hear from him once a day or every other day. This time, he left me on read for almost a week and I began to worry about him. Maybe he got sick. I sent a message asking if he’s all right. He responded that he hasn’t been doing very well emotionally. He also said he appreciated me wanting to help, but it was “something personal he cannot say and he’ll talk about it when he feels ready.” Fair enough. Before you ask this, he had told me that it didn’t have anything to do with me and it didn’t involve me.
A few days passed, and I noticed on Instagram that he started posting stories, (cooking, hiking) which he had never done so within the time I’ve known him. He previously had maybe 3 posts, but all of a sudden, it seemed like he took a lot of old posts out from his archive and showed them on his profile. He also changed his handle, bio, and pfp. I only noted these changes as unusual because he had just told me that something in his life was hurting him badly. It seemed like he was behaving happily or normal, so I asked him what was going on.
He told me that he only posts on insta when “he is hurting the most” so in short, it was a coping mechanism to “seek a source of validation.” He also apologized and said that “he wished he could tell me but he was just hurting too badly.” I comforted him again, but the conversation ended with him saying he’s just going to drink and hold it in. He claimed that he “never handled this in this manner but he doesn’t see any other way.” Perhaps it’s implying he’s going through something that happened before? A month prior, I remember him feeling upset that one of his cats died (he has 3) but he didn’t behave as erratically as he is now. Still, I brushed it off.
What compelled me to be more skeptical was that he posted a story of him in front of a dining table with cooked meals and the caption being “Celebration”. I gave him the benefit of the doubt before when he said this is his way of coping for something painful, but I can’t stop feeling as if something is going on that he won’t tell me, painful or not.
Am I worried that he’s dating someone else and pushing me to the side? Honestly, no. Very early on he let me know he deleted his dating app profile, and he was actually the one who asked if I was talking to anyone else. I trusted him when he said he prefers getting to know one person at a time.
It’s just at this point, I feel like he’s playing charades saying he’s “upset and won’t tell me” but in actuality he’s perfectly fine. I don’t know if I should continue to respect that this is a “coping mechanism” or flat out confront him.
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