An alternate perspective to the "right one" vs the "wrong one" way of looking at romance.

Stop this right one vs. wrong one talk. The ideas of romanticism, soul mates, the one, etc. were created by very wealthy, pasty, artsy, white people who died mid-30s and did not have to deal with most of the problems of everyday life. They rejected arranged marriage in favor of a deeply personal, internal love. They sat around all day having unprotected sex, writing poetry, and looking at waterfalls. Sounds like a lovely fantasy to most of us today right? So why do we try to apply these ideas to our very non-fantastical lives? It doesn't make sense.

Relationships happen and fail for a million different reasons. Stop trying to figure out which one applies to you. The idea that our one true mate is out there and all we have to do is wait is comforting but completely unproductive bullshit. This idea that they will finally understand us, love us for all our flaws, and never even consider leaving. Nobody is gonna love you for your flaws. Accept that. We shouldn't ask them to. They might tolerate them or forgive them. But that will depend on a million different factors. The current state of their life, their upbringing, their past relationships, and an infinite number of other factors.

Take each breakup as a lesson and learn from it. Feel the pain and don't delude yourself. Look long and hard at your deepest and darkest flaws. Try to understand them. Understand your biases and your bad inner voices and slowly learn to make them quieter. You're human. You're a work in progress. And you will be in progress until the day you die. Accept it and get to work. Once this work is done are you guaranteed to find an eternal lover? No. Nothing is absolute in life. But you'll have a better chance and you'll sure as hell feel better about yourself. Get to work. And never stop. Reject the unrealistic romantic ideals you were brought up with. They will only bring more pain. Because looking inwards and working is the only thing you can do. Is it bure bliss? Hell no. Let's look to Buddhist thinking for some advice here (very roughly extrapolated). But pure bliss and happiness are temporary. They just are. All of life is temporary. You are constantly changing. Your desires, needs, and troubles are always shifting. Don't let any person, book, movie, or love song fool you about that. Life is suffering. Happiness is suffering. Accept this, look within, and move on.