I’ve been single for 8 months now following a serious relationship ending. In that time I haven’t dated at all. The breakup was pretty bad and I was really hurt by it (dumpee). It didn’t help I found out my ex had lied about a lot of things after the breakup which caused my feelings to be prolonged.
Immediately after the breakup I also happened to change jobs, move, and change jobs again. I did briefly download a dating app around Dec just to try and meet more people and have something to do, but the thought of having to do small talk and wonder if I was going to have to meet this person and have an awkward first date, repulsed me and I deleted the app. That and just the general crap that comes with downloading dating apps, guys asking for pics, guys you don’t match with looking you up on social media and still trying to message you annoyed me. I realized I wasn’t ready to get back into dating.
After the beginning of the year I developed some minor health issues. Nothing serious but enough that it affected my self confidence and made me where I didn’t feel like going out or trying to date. Shortly there after of course Corona Virus happened and everything shut down. I’ve been following the proper protocols and socially distancing. I rarely leave my house except to get groceries, check my mail, etc. So I haven’t worried about trying to get back out there dating. Now that some of the lockdown restrictions are being lifted (which I am still hesitant to go out) I’ve been thinking about the things I’m looking forward to returning to doing, but I realized dating isn’t one of those things.
Still, the thought of making awkward small talk and going on a first date with someone I may or may not end up liking, who also may or may not like me and/or who may just be an asshole is still so unappealing to me. I have had a few guys try to hit on me the few times I’ve had to run errands and I just feel so apprehensive and I turn them down. I also think they only reason they’re trying to talk to me is that a lot of guys are bored right now because there’s nothing else to do besides hit up some girl. Prior to my last relationship and breakup I enjoyed going out and meeting people. I enjoyed meeting guys and trying to get dates. I would get on a dating app just to go out on a date once in a while if I was bored, but even that is unappealing. Maybe I’m still not ready to date again, and what I realized from my last relationship is that I am someone who does ultimately want a serious relationship. I also used to be very forward and put myself out there in the past. I would text guys first, ask if they wanted to hangout, make first moves etc. But I’m kind of over that BS. At this point I’m telling myself that if someone is interested in me they can make the first move because I am done. Or it could be I am getting older and maturing. Don’t get me wrong I am still only 23 and I’m sure I will still make dating mistakes but I am taking on more responsibilities than guys my age. I’ve graduated from college, I have a full time corporate job, I’m still studying to I can obtain professional designations related to my professional development, I have my own place, car, and pay my own bills. Even with my last ex, he was barely scraping by, I know he had to ask his parents for money at times, he would always want to stay out and party, he didn’t take care of himself. That stuff was easier to go along with when I was 18-20 or still in college but it’s getting harder to overlook as I’m getting into my mid 20s and trying to establish myself.
Has anyone else gone through a similar phase? Or is it not so much a phase as a learning experience that changed the way you dated.
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