As an “anxiously attached” young man, reading “Attached” was incredibly emasculating and highly discouraging.

I’ve seen Amir Levine’s “Attached” recommended many times here and in other subs. So, I decided to give it a read.

While he does give the disclaimer that anxious attachment should not necessarily be associated with femininity, nor avoidant attachment with masculinity, every single example of an anxiously attached person in the book is a woman, and the pronoun “she” is always used when referring to an anxiously attached person, never “he”.

The book then goes on to essentially say that anxiously attached people basically need to own their need for reassurance and support (neediness) and express it openly. This runs counter every bit of conventional wisdom, and has never resulted in a positive outcome for me.

To top it off, the book then goes on about how in order to “desensitize” the attachment system, it is not just important but essential that anxiously attached people date multiple people concurrently. I struggle to even get one date, and you’re telling me that I need to multidate? How the fuck am I supposed to even do that?!

Really this book makes it seem like I’m just an unfortunate amalgamation of conflicting traits that leaves me incapable of a good connection with anybody at all. And I can’t even argue against that, it’s good peer-reviewed silence.

I don’t really know what to say, do, or even ask of y’all. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice, encouragement, or just someone willing to listen for a minute. But thanks for reading regardless.