Hi,

I (M Late -20’s) have been dating this girl (mid-20’s) for over 2 months. The first month and a half went completely fine with texting and two to three 4+ hour video dates (due to covid) a week. We finally met in person last week, which I thought went really well. We went for a walk for about 3 hours. We hugged at the end, which I could tell she wasn’t the most comfortable with. She is definitely a slow burn (adding this in case someone implies lack of escalation. We are in a pandemic.) We both texted telling each other that we had a great time and wanted to see each other again soon.

We had another video date on Tuesday of this week that I thought went pretty well. Both sides were engaged, and there was plenty of laughter. She did cut it off early after two hours because she had plans. Which is totally fine.

Fast forward to tonight. We have another date because she said she is busy Friday through Sunday. I can tell immediately that something is off. She is usually pretty bubbly and smiling, especially when the call starts. She starts the call with some serious RBF and she is basically emotionless as we start talking. Usually our conversations have a nice flow of back and fourth (how else are you going to talk for 4 hours?). Tonight was basically me interviewing her. She did not ask me one question back for the first 40 or so minutes. So, me being slightly perplexed, I propose a game that we can play (pictionary- I am terrible at drawing, so I thought it would at least ease the tension). She gives me something along the lines of sure, but I probably won’t enjoy it. Full RBF in that moment. I tell her we don’t have to play something she won’t enjoy. She said she will give it a try. After 10 painful minutes of her showing zero excitement, I ask if there is anything she wanted to play. I even propose a game I know she loves playing. She said she wasn’t in the mood for that and wanted to just talk.

Round 2 of talking- we talk about work. She works for a critical payroll position. She tells me that basically she might have to work extended hours until 8 each night, and that these dates are going to have to be shorter going forward. I am a reasonable adult. I tell her as such that that makes sense. She also said she no longer wants to do video chat as she can’t cook, or do other things when she is on a video call. For context, she told me during the walk that she hated phone calls and that video calls make the interaction a lot more manageable. What a paradigm shift in four days. So, me being confused but trying to be mature and understanding, tell her that all this okay and fine. We are both working adults. “How about the weekend? Still up for hanging out if the weather is nicer or more longer type video date!” Her response absolutely melted my world. She said that she is super busy on most weekends and that she has many plans with friends and upcoming weddings and bridal showers. So, from my perspective, I am hearing and is too busy during the week and too busy during the weekend for me. Is that an overreaction on my part? I am owed nothing from this woman, but how do you expect me to want to progress in this relationship if you are basically telling me that you have no time to commit?

Edit – I forgot to include that this second chat was still an interview. After like 15 more minutes of this, I tell her that I need to end the call because I needed to call my mom.

I haven’t dated since high school, so I have never experienced this instant cold from hot. My main question from this post basically is the writing on the wall that this over? If she wanted it to be over, wouldn’t she have just have said she is not in a good place to date right now? That would have been reasonable. Should I just move on? How would you handle this? I really like everything about prior to today-her. We have such a strong connection and are on the same page on so many things.

Last question- is it possible she was just having a bad day? She said work was a normal day for her. I feel like I have had quite a few bad days that I have at least acted like I was having fun. Just so I still showed her I was interested.

TLDR- girl you are dating basically says she doesn’t have time anymore to date. How would you proceed? Have you seen early on in a relationship someone have a bad day out of nowhere, and they were fine going forward?

Thank you so much for reading!