Sorry for the long post, I’m frustrated and just need to vent and get some advice.

So I met this guy in July 2019. We started off seeing each other 2-3 times per week all through July, until I went away for work and he went overseas. We had a great connection, so much in common, really like minded people. I met this guy and I thought to myself, this is someone I can see spending the rest of my life with and he told me the same.

When he got back, he had family dramas and started a new job requiring long shifts. I saw him maybe 1-2 times per month from August. In October, we had a blow up because he was supposed to come to a friend’s party with me and he messaged my about 2 hours in and said he wouldn’t be coming because he was feeling nauseous. We met up and talked about it and he fessed up to how stressed he was with work and he was seeing someone to deal with it. I let it go and still didn’t see him often, but I backed off and let things be. Note that we never defined ourselves as being in a relationship and never had sex, but we both liked each other and spoke regularly. I didn’t (and don’t) hold out waiting for him but I just couldn’t put the energy into dating someone else. I decided just to go with the flow.

Things started looking up in December. We started spending more time together and then… my dad died. I was away with family a lot and he was an amazing support from afar. He eventually left his old job and got a new job but didn’t realise the amount of travel that would be involved in it, so again, I barely saw him. We made plans when he was supposed to be in town but he’d constantly cancel at the last minute because he had to stay away longer, he fell asleep as soon as he got home, he wasn’t well, let’s do tomorrow and then plans would never eventuate, etc. I eventually got shitty and blew up again and told him to stop leading me on and wasting my time. He profusely apologised and I accepted, but I stopped putting in any effort. I was constantly initiating contact with him and decided to leave it; if he was interested, he would contact me.

About a month ago, he called me and said he was sick of being away all the time and he missed me. We met up for coffee and chatted; he then went away for three weeks but we had regular phone calls. 2 weeks ago he calls me and tells me he quit and he only had one week left. We were meant to do something that weekend but he “had a migraine” when I messaged him on the day. Fast forward to this weekend, we were going to do dinner and netflix, which he initiated. Text him the day of to confirm and he’s apparently being tested for COVID-19 and asked to raincheck to today. Text him today and apparently he hasn’t gotten results yet (he said he would get them this morning but for whatever reason never did). I feel like at this point (and feel like I should have realised sooner) that he just doesn’t want to see me but I can’t understand why someone would lead someone else on for so long if they weren’t interested…. unless they’re a sociopath.

I’m just so frustrated and feel like I’ve been such an idiot in continuing whatever this is. I’ve invested so much energy and emotion into it; there are a lot of great things about him but I just can’t go on with this. I also don’t want to break it off in the event that he’s not lying and is actually being tested for COVID-19 (he has got a suppressed immune system so I don’t want to make assumptions that he’s lying). I just don’t know what to do anymore. And after everything with my dad I feel like I’m still not seeing clearly and not thinking rationally. I don’t want to be stuck in a place of sadness but I don’t want to throw in the towel if I’m being irrational and still have feelings for him, even though he has made me angry beyond belief.