I have had 2 relationships in my 28 years, both lasted for 3 years. I struggled in both to be emotionally vulnerable, intimate or affectionate. I wanted them to last but I self-sabotaged out of fear, and that fear led to the very behaviours that led to the demise of the relationships. I became self-absorbed and just assumed we would be together because we loved each other and had invested our time,money and energy towards all of these memories. People advise that we should learn from it but you don’t get into a relationship solely to learn do you? I imagine you want it to last….Everything does indeed come to an end but with relationships you hope and expect them not to end. I don’t sit and enjoy a cup of tea expecting to be able to so forever, or watch a football game expecting to always watch football games. How can you truly enjoy a relationship if it is going to end? It takes the meaning away. You’re engrossed with your S.O whilst you make love or enjoy a holiday together and it feels so wonderful,but if you knew she was cheating on you then it wouldn’t be fun would it? I have this problem where I feel I have to KNOW it is going to last and anything else just fucks with my head. It is never ending cycle, I don’t put in the required work because I feel scared to really be vulnerable, but i end up losing them anyway due to this fear. I just have this stupid expectation that once we have got to know each other and love each other that we SHOULD stay together forever for it to mean anything at all. When I look back on my relationships, I honestly do not know what I should think about them. Of course I can learn lessons but I feel the only real lesson should be never to enter another relationship ever again because depsite what people say, heartbreak just is not worth it. So what if it makes me stronger? What about all those memories we shared? They are no longer precious because we aren’t together and they have other guys.