Sometimes, when I’m tipsy, I text the guy I’ve been talking to all of quarantine (and just met up with for the first time recently) and try to give him an “out”. I tell him I’d understand if he’s not interested, to please let me know if he’s not (as opposed to ghosting), etc., despite him not showing any indication of wanting to do so. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve done this a handful of times, and I’m sure it’s confusing and exhausting for him to read these texts. I suffer from self-esteem issues in intimacy and romance (i.e., just in this part of my life it feels like) and wonder often if I’ll ever find “my person.”

Our first time meeting was a little unusual for me compared to my other first dates, as I don’t text and FaceTime with a guy for two months before meeting up. As a result, I kept mentioning that it was weird and awkward being in person with him, and he did most of the talking. My latest self-sabotaging occurred last night and I followed up this morning with a text saying that I don’t know why I do that but that I am interested in him and I want to get to know him better, and he said he just ignored last night’s texts.

I’m not sure if there’s any salvaging this. I guess all I can do is wait and see, but this is definitely something that I need to learn from. This trait of mine wasn’t present last year when I was seeing a guy for a few months, but after being rejected by a different guy before quarantine, I suffered a bad blow to the ego. Does anyone have any advice on stopping the self-sabotaging? Do any men have any words of wisdom on if there’s anything I can do to make it up to this guy? I’m attracted to him and his personality is great, so I’m just worried I screwed it up.