I went on a date with a guy from a dating app back in September 2019. I remember when we matched that he seemed really interested in getting to know me with long messages and quick replies. He didn’t give a hookup vibe at all, in fact his profile said “I’m looking for a relationship.” However in person, it was really odd. He barely said much or made much eye contact, didn’t want to get coffee like I suggested and overall acted kinda shifty so I figured he was maybe just shy. However, we somehow ended up making out by the end of the date but I had to cut it short because of a family function. He texted me afterwards saying he had fun, but then when I responded saying I had fun and we should hang out again, he rejected me saying he felt no “connection” (despite the fact he initiated making out for 30min lol).

Fast forward a couple months and we rematch on the app, and he explains that he had fun on our date but he was looking for something more casual and assumed I was more of the relationship type, so he turned me down back then bc he didn’t wanna lead me on. I (stupidly) let him back into my life and said we could try something casual and he actually started to put more effort and took me out on a couple food/drink dates (unlike date 1). He was still kinda shy/nervous-appearing in person, so I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. However, outside of dates and over text he was super flaky, basically leaving me hanging whenever I asked to hang out – everything was only on his terms and he rarely met me on weekend nights, but rather only at odd times during the week. I knew from that point on this could never be something serious, so I figured I would at least try to make this a fwb situation. We continued to make out in a car (which I thought was weird af) at the end of the dates but he never brought me back to his place until I put my foot down and said I didn’t wanna do things in a car anymore.

In December we finally had sex for the first time, and we texted afterwards and he was all like “hey thanks for coming over, I had fun :)” but whenever I asked him if he was free he was suddenly “busy” again, so I figured him saying it was “fun” was a lie. At one point, he texted saying he didn’t reach out again bc he was afraid I hadn’t enjoyed it and he felt bad (sex *was* a little awk the first time, but not terrible), but I’m pretty sure that was another lame excuse.

I fully expected him to never hear from him again, but in February he just randomly texted me “is your place an option” one day as if months hadn’t passed lol. I basically ignored him even though he kept double texting me, but then a few weeks later I was in the area so I (stupidly!) texted him asking if he was around. This time, I felt like he basically treated me like a sex doll – he did not care about my pleasure, and basically kicked me out minutes after the deed even though we had sex twice that night. He told me to text him once I got home, and I did, and he said “good, I had fun :),” but of course when I asked him to hang out a few days later he said he was busy, didn’t offer another time he was free, and I have not heard from him since then.

I know I acted stupidly and didn’t stand my ground, and I don’t think I’ll let myself go through this kind of experience again. But still I can’t help but wonder if there was something else I did wrong that made him treat me like this. Was it because I wasn’t his type/wasn’t attractive enough? Too easy? I can’t stop feeling that it has something to do with me personally, that he wouldn’t do this with another girl if I was more “X.”

tl;dr: met up with a guy from a dating app in September that I thought was the relationship type. However he rejected me after the first date then reconnected a few months later, explaining that he actually wanted something casual and didn’t want to lead me on. I let him back into my life and what followed was several months of sporadic hookups and periodic ghosting/flakiness from him until he ghosted me for good in March. Why did he treat me like this?