Hey everyone. Hope this doesn’t come out as complete word vomit but it’s something that’s been on my mind.

I’ve been dating someone who identifies as non-binary for a while now (multiple years) but the longer I’m in this the more against marriage I’m becoming. They want to for sure but the longer I know them the more I’m realizing that I’m not… Attracted to them.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re my best friend. We get on great and can spend all the time in the world together. For a long time Ive considered that the basis of a good relationship. But is it?

In today’s climate I feel bad saying it but I’m straight. Not like I’m wanting to go out and mack on girls or anything. Far from it. I want something stable, but I am attracted to the conventional idea of femininity and someone who owns their body or at the very least is confident in their own skin.

The person I’m with, they dislike their body so much. They don’t let me see them naked (were going on four years of dating now) but it’s more so about them just hating their body. Body dysmorphia has been explained to me and for sure there are points I get. I try to be an ally but the lack of confidence bleeds through to my own view of them. At the end of the day confidence is attractive. I dont feel sexually attracted to them and the thought of sex it’s like… There’s a big part of me that would just rather not.

We live somewhere hot. Like… Really hot. Like the ass hole of America hot. Don’t get me wrong a cute pair of shorts or summer outfit, I notice those kinds of things >_>. But even in the middle of summer it’s big baggy shirts to hide their natural curves but than they’re so hot that they just complain how hot it is. (Until they get to AC) They tell me how attractive I look in a tank top or without a shirt but I can’t say the same. Ive suggested like, hey it’s okay to dress for the weather but their response is people might look at their chest. It’s just this… Focus on other people’s perceptions and it’s like, okay that makes sense in high school but you’re an adult now.

I kind of failed at not making this word vomit huh? Sorry about that and thanks for reading this far in. I mean otherwise there’s their inability and dislike in change (in life, I’ve never asked them to change their gender identity) and a fathoms deep sea of all consuming depression they’ve got that’s got me feeling like the host to a parasite rather than a member of a team that probably got me feeling turned off too but that’s the gist of what I have going on.

They’re my best friend. They know my quirks and I know theirs and we get on well as friends, but sexually I’m just not attracted to them. Id hate to lose them because we click really well but I’ve been in relationships where I want to touch and be touched. That feeling doesn’t exist here and I’m really questioning whether or not this is something I want to do for the rest of my life.

I’d love some advice from anyone who’s been in this situation. I get someone will probably call me a mysoginist or whatever the term is for someone who sucks but before you do try to understand that being straight, like every other sexuality; is a valid thing. Marriage is big and to me, binding. I want a happily ever after, not a whatever ever after with intimacy mostly based on procreation :/

Thank you for reading!