how do I make this short?

2 years ago I was in an emotionally toxic relationship, really codependent from the both of us, and she was extremely selfish. it ended badly. i grieved for one year. then the second year i was lost and tried moving on talking/dating around a lot, and learning to heal along the way. this year, i can say i’ve grown from a lot of things.

but…

a part of me is still carrying emotional baggage from the relationship. i’ve moved on from her, but I havent moved on from what has happened. I guess you can say its some sort of “trauma”. I carry some insecurities from the past relationship into the new ones, and i try my hardest not to. but it happens.

I want to be in a relationship, but I’m aware of my bad habits. Is this normal? I mean… we’re all flawed. And I get attached to routine and when i notice a difference, I freak out a little and think something is wrong. ALSO, its been 2 years since i’ve been serious with someone… or have had sex. I’m really used to being single and I dont know how to date anymore. I think i’m tired of trying to find someone new, like I dont have the energy anymore for it.

In the past two years since my last relationship, i’ve only met one girl who really catched my attention and we dated on and off recently for the past 6 months. but we ended things because we simply wanted different things. i was slowly falling for her.

I’m just tired of trying. But i want to be with someone.

I’m a 23F and gay btw.