A few years ago I was seeing this girl. Her family has been friends with my family forever. We grew up in close proximity but didn’t actually notice eachother until a family Christmas party in 2017. I was 21 and she was 17, so it was a little weird but not disgustingly so. It started talking about music, I got her some ice cream once when our families were at a resort together. It was cute. I was in love.

I invited her to my place for takeout curry and we ended up banging before the food was cold. She was so into it. I was stunned. She has manic pixie dream girl vibes for sure and I knew I had stumbled into unicorn territory. We took out all our carnal desire on eachother for another few weeks. It was all fun and games and movies and dinner and takeout and fantastic, instinctual sex. (I dunno how to describe it, it was like fuckin animalistic.)

This is when I started to understand that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. She was going to be moving about 100 miles away for college soon and I was heartbroken. I wanted to absorb every second with this girl that I possibly could. I knew it was unrealistic to ask her to go through college waiting for me (as if lol), so I just kept asking her to come over.

The last time we saw eachother we had made plans to hang out all night and I was unexpectedly called to work. I kept ignoring the calls, but they kept coming constantly and she asked why I was ignoring them. I said because my priority was hanging out with her since she was leaving soon. She insisted that I responsibly deal with the issue at work and she would leave. I didn’t want her to leave 🙁 I got really weird. I actually started crying. This whole thing was a lot for me to handle, because I knew if she left I would never see her again in this manner. Her naked body, lovely voice, hair, sunny disposition. I tried to express myself in a sane way (from my perspective) but she was disgusted and repulsed by my showing of that kind of emotion. For her the whole thing had been a fun fling before going off to college. For me it was finding the one I wanted and losing her forever. I take things too hard and I’m too hard on myself and this was one of my weakest moments for this.

The funny thing is, I was totally right. That was the last time I saw her, and the last time she displayed any sort of attraction to me. We have talked as friends briefly since, and like I said our families are friends so we see eachother on the holidays and it’s always so hard to forget the future that I wanted with her. She also always felt so weird about our families being friends, as if that was something that would prevent us from ever properly being together. I thought it was awesome, I love her family.

Basically in summary, this was just a venting post, I know it’s over and that she wants something very different from me. It’s her birthday this month and it always makes me remember. I start thinking about ways to contact her again but we left it at a nice resolution last time we spoke so I always settle on letting the past die. But it’s not dying quietly 😭. I just have to keep reminding myself how different she is from me and how we want completely different things from our sexual relationships. It’s been 3 years now and I still have a soft spot for her, maybe one day. But I can’t hold my breath that long.

Thanks for reading!!!