After a lot of relationship problems and red flags, I ended things with my ex. She displays several, if not all of the attributes of someone with BPD. Initially, I just wanted a break, but she was not willing to wait around. For a variety of other reasons (self-harm, bipolar, her asking me to leave all my friends only to take it back the next day) I ended it. It was very hard on both of us and I felt super guilty and lonely without her. All my friends and most of my family think she’s abusive and not fully in control of her actions. I told her that we’re over and maybe in a while I’d consider making things work. However, she only left me alone for a day and has called me twice today. I ignored both calls because I know she’ll be able to persuade me into coming back to her if I answer. However, I feel guilty and also tempted to talk to her and I miss her very much, but I don’t know if they’re the right reasons. She said some really hurtful things to me that she “didn’t mean to sound hurtful”. Honestly, every time I start feeling better about this breakup she calls me and I go several steps backwards. I already promised everyone, including myself that I would never go back to her, so why can’t I stop thinking about it. It’s like my heart wants her, but my brain doesn’t. She told me that I would never find anyone else besides her that loves me or cares about me or someone that will take care of me. I know how ridiculous it sounds, but for some reason, I think about that a lot. Especially since she’s been my only girlfriend. I’m really introverted and awkward and I have tinder (just to distract myself mostly) and I get like no likes. I don’t really want anyone else, I just want to get over this fear that I think about all day about her being right. It took me a few days, but I’ve managed to stop looking at her social media. However, I can’t seem to man up and block her for some reason. I know how stupid this post probably looks. I just feel so lonely without her, even though I agree with my friends that she can be abusive and manipulative. She promised to change and she apologized for her actions. I just feel like I can’t live with myself no matter what I do. Since she was my only girlfriend, I’m worried no emotionally stable girl will ever want to be with me. I have friends and family, but they don’t seem to take care of me as well as she did. I think our relationship was way too co-dependent on both sides. I’ve just been in a terrible place lately and I can’t stop thinking of her. I’m pretty sure she’s not right for me, but she might be the closest thing to. She truly got to me with the belief that I’ll never be able to find anyone and I’ll end up alone forever.

**TL;DR: An ex, who is really good at roping me back in keeps calling me. I’m terrified in her accusations that I’ll never find anyone and that I’ll be alone and miserable forever.**