I know it’s quarantine and all so you can’t do activities, but I’ve felt hopeless for a while now.

I am 28 years old. I’ve been single for 6 years. I’ve only had one boyfriend for 5 years. I have some friends, but not a large circle. I work full time and go to grad school in the evenings. There was/is one guy who is interested in me from an old friend group, but I know him well and I’m not interested.

I figured by now I would have someone. I tried not to let it bother me. I just moved along with my life. Found new hobbies (got certified in scuba, hiking, yoga, spin class, bird watching, even did some volunteering). Made some new friends in grad school. Went to tailgates. Went to social events I really didn’t want to go to because sometimes as an introvert my battery runs out. One of my friends got a boyfriend I met once and I kind of got hopeful that maybe he has some friends I could meet at a party or something as he is a bit older and from the same high school and really nice, but I didn’t see him again. He even mentioned he knew someone who worked at my same institution though I didn’t get a chance to ask who. Now quarantine hit and there is really not much I can do. I even deleted my instagram and facebook because constantly seeing current events was giving me a lot of anxiety and I realized I was also using the app as a bandaid for my loneliness. Sure, it was a way for me to share my photography with people I know but that kind of mass communication wasn’t truly talking with my friends. I have phone numbers and have had better conversations because we’re not just updating with photos and not using words.

I tried online dating – it’s just really not my style at all. Really, I tried. A lot. There is something about it – the entire premise of it that doesn’t work for me for some reason, no matter how many people I went out with.

I’ve tried my hardest to not let this affect me, but I do feel sad because it all seems hopeless. I do have my family for support, but it’s not the same. I’ve been independent for so long and sometimes it might be nice to have someone to lean on emotionally.

I mean, what else is there to do? I’ve done everything everyone says to do. I’ve not thought about it and focused on friends too. Most of my grad program is other women and men who are not straight and I, unfortunately, am straight.

Am I just doomed?