I’ve deleted all my dating apps a few days ago. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid all gone bye bye. I’m tired of it and I just don’t think I can find what I’m looking for via swiping. I live in a small town near larger cities, so I thought these apps would be the best way to tap into the larger pools that are relatively nearby, and that was true. I think my relative “success” on these apps is what has me burnt out.

On Tinder I was getting close to 1000 matches. Can you imagine that in real life? 1000 strangers who all think you’re attractive? I think it’s a little of a mindfuck. It’s like a new version of reality. I’m crippled with indecision. I try to give nearly everyone a chance, at least a brief conversation, but how can I make a decision with so many choices? I don’t think the average person finds love like they do on The Bachelor, but even on that show they have the in person advantage.

I’m turning into a monster. Or maybe I’ve always been one? I notice that I’m easily turned off by a poor turn of phrase or a litany or other nitpicky issues.

A couple weeks ago one said to me “Women are DIFFERENT” (he wrote it just like that). I tried to get him to explain what he meant, saying “If women are different, that seems to imply that men are the standard or default” and his response? “We are.” and we’d been having such a nice conversation up until that point. But that made me unmatch.

Another guy berated me for having no full body pics, saying it’s essentially the same as being a catfish. I explained to him that I’ve noticed when I use full body pictures, I attract less serious men, which I’m not interested in. And he replied, “Just because someone post full body pics doesn’t mean they’re trying to fuck,” in reference to his own pictures. I restated, explaining I wasn’t judging HIM for posting full body pics, I just don’t do it myself because I’m looking for something serious. In response he called me a “silly bitch”.

I’m burnt out! I’m done. I’m over it. I realized I was turning into someone I don’t like. Getting into petty arguments with strangers is so outside my day to day character. I was becoming bothered when I was the queen of unbothered.

The final straw for me was something I did. A man on okcupid had a LONG profile ranting about how all the women online are scammers, trying to sell pussy, or just want a man who’ll pay their way. At the very end of this long rant, he had a few sentences like, “Well if you want something real and are tired of the games message me” but it was exceptionally well written and kind of beautiful how he phrased it. It’s like I couldn’t help myself. I composed a long message to him telling him how if he wanted to find something positive, maybe he shouldn’t lead with so much negativity. I wrote about how what he was looking for we had in common but because of all of his negative talk I was completely put off. And then I sat back and thought, “What the fuck am I doing?” He can write whatever he wants on his dating profile. I deleted the message, and then my profile, and then the app.

I realized I’m the problem! I mean, if course there’s shitty people online, but I think the amount of matches I had made me think I could find a unicorn. Instead of engaging I was dismissing everyone for everything, when no one is perfect and I’m quite far from perfect myself. Even though I try to swipe based to shared interests, rather than appearance alone, I realize online my expectations are totally different than they are in real life. Literally, unrealistic.

My standards are very high because I hold myself to a high standard as well, and I think that’s fine. But there’s a difference between high standards and thinking someone is trash because they like sports. I’ve dated some perfectly lovely athletes in the past.

Swiping is bad for my brain. I’m not doing it anymore.

This is starting to get into rant territory so I’ll stop here.

TL; DR: Dating apps brought out a side of me I didn’t like where I was nitpicking every detail about a match because I had way too many of them. I deleted them all.

Also I’m not really looking for advice. I deleted the apps so I don’t need advice on how to use them. I’ve recognized my part of the problem.