I always complain to friends about not being able to be in a relationship, but whenever someone approaches me/ or i think someones interested I get disgusted & distance myself away. I just get disgusted at the fact that someone might actually find me attractive & i automatically think they may be trying to use me or something. I also get disgusted at the thought of physical affection & other things associated with relationships. I don’t know if it’s because I have such a low sense of self esteem & I’ve been bullied growing up that I just can’t fathom someone even liking me haha. I’m one of those people who masks their pain with humor because I literally recoil at the thought of expressing my feelings/or even saying “I love you” to anyone, I don’t even like people seeing me cry. I don’t know if there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, because yea part of me wants a relationship, but when I really think about it, it just disgusts me lol.