I gave up online dating because of an ultimatum: to myself I said I would be done if I saw one more ad stating ‘my children come first.’

Didn’t take long…within 5 minutes I was forced to quit for good. Just prior, I was so bemused with such widespread cluelessness, I took it upon myself to proactively and politely offer some unsolicited advice about not including that. It didn’t go over well at all, I was backlashed harshly every time.

MY CHILDREN COME FIRST

Ya think?

A lot of guys relate to this. First, no shit. And here I thought I’d be able to usurp all those offspring you suffered for and are biologically inclined to protect.

I’ve read a lot of posts in social media from single mothers complaining about how undesirable they feel on the dating scene. Many not only used that opening statement, they also included photos with their kids. Why are you posting kid pics on your dating profile? Are you trying to annoy the virility out of every suitor? Don’t you care about your child’s safety?

Well you man magnets, you got us figured out. Men go crazy for ladies who immediately make it clear any man they date will be one of the least important things in their lives, not just sidelined, but actively and preemptively shut down. The way to a man’s heart is making it known he won’t factor.

I know most of you pine about losing men to other women with fewer or no kids. If that’s the case, why are so many of you acting so high-minded? I’m not saying you should dissolve all pride and settle for any low life that comes along, but you need to understand that kids are a lot of baggage someone else has to put up with. A new man knows he will never be their real father, probably never called dad, will be caught up in the drama between you and your ex and the kids. And then there’s the mommy brain syndrome that without you being aware of it, brings out mediocre traits that girls without kids just don’t exhibit.

Those kids you have are not some new guy’s fault, nor are they his problem. You should do everything you can to mitigate the damaged cause by the bad decision you made with that other guy. Yes, I know you love your kids and they are little miracles, but seriously, if that wasn’t a bad decision you’d still be together.

Better Approach

Leave your kids out of the subject, text and photos in your ad. If the site asks if you have kids, disclose that question honestly, but only there. Don’t worry, you will have plenty of chances to address this later.

Try being your authentic, adventurous self, the one that shares what she’s like when she’s in love with a man, or wants to be. Your life may seem boring with the kids, so share what you’d do with the time you WILL be setting aside for him!

If you don’t put him first when you are supposed to be enraptured in romance, when will you? All men want their woman to be attentive. There must be a time when your man is first. Make sure your suitors know you understand this.

Ladies with kids, you ARE beautiful, sexy, fun, and alluring as you want to be. You might have to adjust your perceptions of what you want and hope. You can win the dating game if you think about how to offset the disadvantage of having kids. You need to sweeten the pot somewhere. Don’t assume you can date as you did before kids, you aren’t that person any longer. This isn’t lowering your standards, its confronting reality. It’s a good thing.