Heya,
I’d like to have a cordial discussion on dating apps specifically for Asian male in the United States.
So I first started using tinder back when I started college in 2014 and since then has expanded to using Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Hinge. During my I guess 6 years of playing the dating app game, I slowly recognized that my non Asian guy friends tend to get way more matches than I do. And no offense to my friends but they’re pretty average looking but their defining factors were colored eyes, blonde, >5ft9 (my height), and were again non-Asian. As with me, I’m half white half asian, brown eyes, dark brown hair, and average body built so I know I’m not that bad looking haha. Anyways I had multiple chances of seeing their profile, who they matched with, and how the date went and generally speaking found that many of their matches didn’t really have much things in common other than “hookups” which is obvious mainly with tinder but for the sake of this discussion I’m going to focus on the dating aspects. So naturally like many netizens, I google my situation and apparently it is a thing with how Asian men are micro-discriminated because of how Hollywood and western culture portrays us as nerdy, side kick, not sexy, that funny oriental dude, pretty boys, etc. I tried my best not to portray myself in that stereotype by focusing on fashion, posting active / interesting photos and what not but at the end of the day my face screams “Asian” and “dorky” written all over it. Further, reading multiple articles and actual sociological research done on this topic definitely messed with my self-esteem of being “un-wanted”. Survey says even Asian girls prefer not to date within their own ethnic group so that right there tells you how difficult it is being Asian guy in the West. Let’s be clear here, I know many guys and girls feel that way on dating apps of being “unwanted” but this is tad bit different because we Asian guys are set up in a different disadvantage.
Now comparing back to my matches, the ones I match with (the few haha like maybe 3-5 per month) tend to be those who have Asian fetish / preference or assume immediately that I’m a die hard kpop, k-drama, anime, nintendo, and everything Asian fan. I do subscribe to those things but there’s much more that I like / want to talk about. I did match with very few who saw me beyond my race so I do appreciate that but that’s like super rare. I guess what I want to say is dating in general is definitely complicated and difficult but me and my ethnicity facing huge disadvantage already puts us in very narrow position.
Any thoughts on this?
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