I (25f) started dating a wonderful man (30m) a couple of months before quarantine. We are in the same field, although he is several years ahead of me (and therefore makes a TON more money), and we have a lot of common interests. He is sweet, incredibly intelligent, and makes me laugh. He is almost exactly the type of guy I’ve been looking for my whole life, except for a few things.

First, he doesn’t take care of himself or his home very well. Yes, his clothes are clean, but I can tell he doesn’t make an effort in his appearance. He wears his stubble long enough that it rubs my chin raw, and I have seen only seen him wear 4 different shirts in the time that we’ve been seeing each other. He refuses to buy curtains for his home office to prevent sun glare because he figured out he could hang a dress shirt in the right part of his window to get enough of the job done. It’s definitely not a matter of finances, since he makes a salary in the 6 figures. He eats out almost every day and can’t cook. I appreciate frugality, and I myself am pretty frugal since I’m just starting out in my career, but this is seems a little extreme to me. I don’t go overboard, but I do make an effort in my appearance – I workout a lot, dress up a little and wear makeup when I know I’m going to see him, and make sure I smell nice (sometimes he doesn’t).

Second, it doesn’t feel like he’s putting any effort into whatever relationship like even pre-quarantine, we don’t really go out. He paid for our first date (I offered to split), but after that he always invited me over to his place to watch tv or a movie. The only time we go “out” – whether on a date like outing or even outside for a walk- is at my suggestion. I guess it would just be nice to be taken out once in a while instead of just hanging out. He acts like we’re dating, but all we do is hang out. I’m from the South and am used to being taken on dates, and honestly, I like that.

Part of me feels incredibly entitled and superficial writing this, but honestly, I am used to being taken on dates, and honestly, having a guy put in a little effort makes me feel special. I feel like I’m dating a high schooler and that maybe at 30 he should know better. He himself has said he’s generally pretty lazy outside of work, and I think he really is just generally clueless. My friends say that I just need to “teach” him, but I’m wary of “changing” him to suit me. I don’t know how to talk to him about any of this, especially because I don’t want to criticize him. Does anyone have any advice? Should we just be friends?