So, some backstory:

Both of us were abroad for grad school and were seeing each other for about 2-3 months starting in January. Then the corona pandemic struck and we both had to return to the US to separate states. She was a year ahead of me and would start clinicals in a new state while I would go back abroad in the Fall (hopefully). Tried to do all the things long distance couples do even though we weren’t really official yet.

Her finals ended on Monday so I decided to send her a care package with a few sentimental things from our time together and at the end I asked her to be my gf in a cute letter I had written. Maybe too soon, I’m not sure but I knew what I wanted to take the next step and try to do long distance even with the uncertainty of where we’d end up. I had planned to meet her in July in her new state to see her again before I started back up at grad school in the fall.

Dial it forward to Monday:

So when we facetimed after she opened the package, she started giving me mixed signals at how she doesn’t know what she wants or isn’t ready for a relationship. She didn’t want to commit to anything because of her past issues with guys. She gave me a lot of mixed signals because she envisioned a future with us before and still did very recently, but when I asked to put a label on us, she became hesitant? Like whatever we’ve been doing so far has been what those in a relationship do. I don’t know how long distance would work if we weren’t dating or official right? What hurt me the most was that she didn’t even want to try to become exclusive or commit to this. Almost like she already made up her mind about us. I felt like I was more emotionally invested and she didn’t want the same thing moving forward so I said I couldn’t continue like this and walked away. I haven’t communicated with her since.

It sucks cause sometimes I keep second guessing myself for what I chose, but I know in the long run, my future self is thanking me because you want to be with someone that wants the same thing as you. Any less than that is only going to lead to heartbreak in the future and I’m at a point in my life where I know what I want.

P.S. For those that dislike labels, do you dislike commitment too? Are those two mutually exclusive? Because there’s a difference between putting a label on what you’re doing and committing to someone correct?

Getting off my soapbox now, thank you for letting me vent!

Tl/dr. Corona made us do long distance suddenly, girl I’m seeing didn’t want to commit to long distance moving forward, so I walked away.