Author Archive: /u/SirenInAz513

Would you settle if it meant not being alone?

I hate being a single parent and I hate being alone. I’m seeing a guy who is great with my kids. We started as a hookup 6 months ago and progressed to more about 10 weeks ago. I introduced him to my kids on Easter night. Since then, it’s progressed to him coming over almost every day after work, having dinner, hanging out with us, playing with the kids. He’s spent a couple of weekends, not in a row. He has a daughter he travels out of town to see two weekends a month.

He is decent to me. In the beginning, after I hooked up with him, I did most of the initiating but its pretty even now. He gets frustrated with me sometimes when my Bipolar meds make me ditzy; he’s got trust and emotional intimacy issues, but so do I from traumatic betrayals. He’s got narcissistic tendencies. He is not affectionate. He doesn’t do well with compliments and if he feels too much attachment or feeling, he will pull away for a bit…and I’m pretty sure he feels like he’s settling for now, too. So, yes, he probably keeps looking.

We have amazing sex. I want to have sex with him forever! He DOES make me a better parent. He makes me think about things and see things in ways I don’t see. I can tell he cares. He does little things that show he heard what I said. He makes an effort to make me happy 75% of the time.

Would it be so bad to see where this goes?

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My guy (34M) seems to have come to really like me (42F)…but he’s still got that dating profile issue. I’m just going to accept it. Tell me I’m setting myself up…

We’ve been around each other 6 months now. It started out as sex, but it’s definitely more now. Right now, he appears to be in “get his life together” mode (he has many cycles)…he’s not drinking to oblivion everyday (so he actually remembers what I say); he’s going to bed early enough to be at his best at work (sad for my sex life); present in our relationship (paying attention to what matters). We’ve been building from more than just sex since March when we had a conversation about it. It’s gone from me always texting first to mutual texting. He’s over at my house every day after work. We spend most weekends together if he’s not working. He interacts well with my kids, better than I do. I might be a part of his “get his life together” plan, actually. He wouldn’t be the first guy to use me for that. I have my life together (outwardly to the world), and I make a great “partner”. Anyways… There’s just the one thing…that dating profile. It’s still there. It’s still active. Technically, so is mine. He’s never hid it from me that he has it or that he goes on it. His activity on it has dwindled. I only know when he goes on it bc I still have my paid acct and can see exactly when he logged in. I know he didn’t log in for 10 days and then logged in twice in the last 3 days. He told me once, way back in the beginning, that he had a girl he was seeing once that didn’t work out bc she was so upset he kept his POF acct to message the girls and it was just that he becomes friendly with some of them. I know one of the girls who recently found him is a former high school mate. He is going to back home this weekend. He doesn’t keep his use from me. It’s an open conversation between us. He’s told me he’s not looking for anyone on there. We haven’t had a real conversation about what our relationship is…we both have issues. It’s just something we struggle with, so we haven’t talked about. The only thing definitively established is that we are sexually exclusive. I’ve heard and read many opinions on the subject: “He’s cheating.” “I deserve better.” “I should get out.” I’m not going to. I don’t seem able to…

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