Hi,

I’ve been talking to someone on a dating app. So far, I am loving my results! 99% of my matches have been positive, respectful and flexible with dates/timing. (We are 35+ age group.)

Today I cancelled on someone 1.5 hours in advance. Please note, this was the BEST / EARLIEST I could do. I was exhausted from school and was not feeling energized. I normally give 12-48 hours notice. I asked my date if we could re-schedule. They received my text right away and responded.

Our original date was an outdoor picnic; however…the weather was grey & raining. I did NOT want to do our Plan B (coffee in doors). -_-

I had my heart set on a sunny picnic with snacks. I told him this. (Being in a sterile cafe sitting on metal stools is not a fun idea of a date to me!)

Their reaction wasn’t my favourite. Yes, they rightfully expressed disappointment/frustration. I apologized and empathized. However, they didn’t seem to give a crap about what I wanted or needed. They behaved in a way where, because I cancelled “last minute” (1.5 hours in advance) that I should force myself to meet them for coffee. (Force myself, and show up tired, unexcited…)

I said, “I don’t want to arrive feeling like Eeyor. Let’s re-schedule Friday.” He declined. Said he was going on a trip. I suggested our picnic when they got back.

Then they got upset and said, “The place doesn’t matter! Its getting to know each other that counts! Just put on a rain jacket and lets go for a walk!”

I gently told them again, “Im sorry I just don’t want to go for coffee or walk in the rain. Im sorry if that sounds superficial of me…but after going out on lots of coffee dates; I want to do something fun. I’m tired, I already explained that to you.”

Essentially, I felt like this person was being a brat and had no care for how I felt or what I wanted. It wasn’t fair for him to hang my 1.5 cancellation over my head as if I “owe” him. There is nothing sexy about a grown man pushing me to change my mind OR my mood to go do something I don’t want to do. Especially for a first meeting / first date. I validate his disappointment, but I felt he was being childish, forceful. That he couldn’t just accept that shit happens and we’re all human. I’m not perfect, I didn’t cancel to be a jerk. And I told him it wasn’t personal. Did he give a fuck if I was tired from school? Nope. Did he show me any compassion? Nope. Did he validate that I wanted to stick to our original idea? Nope. Did he care what kind of date I wanted? No. Maybe he is okay with coffee, or having a date even in a cardboard box….but I’m not. I want a life partner who’s reasonable. I want a partner with HUMILITY…that can admit that maybe he’s wrong or too harsh.

Then he did the whole, “you’ll have to earn my trust cause this shows me a bit of your character.” I said I was willing to do that. Since I did cancel.

Then a while later I was like, “Wait! I deserve respect and compassion too! I’m not gonna grovel on my hands and knees to be perfect! With all due respect its fucking piss pouring rain out. This dude had no sliver of compassion for whats going on in my life.” I also thought, “Why the fuck am I apologizing? I should be given some grace from this douche for taking care of myself.” He did not even leave his house yet. He had time to make other plans with someone else.

I feel like 1.5 hours advance notice is enough time for a last min cancellation. What do you guys think?