So, in December I met again a former classmate, after 5 years. We will call her Emma from now on. Now, Emma and I never were much friends or talking at all, as basically we were very different people back then (you change a lot when you go from 18 to 23). But I felt like we connected immediately. Quite a few compliments from her, eye contact, good things. I had a girlfriend back then, so of course I didn’t hit on her or anything, but we hung out one on one once, since a friend ditched us at the last moment. It was a nice night, but was not a date and did not mean anything.

During the following 6 months, Emma and I were physically very far (I study in Northern Europe, she studies close to me, but was in exchange in the US for a semester), and we did not keep much in contact; just a message here and there. I later found out through a mutual friend that Emma was very much hooked on a guy, who in my opinion she still hasn’t forgotten. Keep this in mind I guess? During this period I also broke up with my girlfriend, for unrelated reasons.

Then Covid-19 came, and we both went back to our hometown. This is where things start getting kind of weird.

We met two times through the mutual friend that put us back in contact in the first place, and we studied a bit all together. When walking back home with her, I moulded up the courage to ask her to go for a coffee together, but she either did not understand, or, more likely, pretended not to, and replied that “she had to meet our mutual friend, but of course we could all meet together”. Note that I am a very shy and insecure person when it comes to this, despite being quite outgoing in general, so I just took it as a “no” and decided to move on.

In the following week we happened to meet again about two times, and I started noticing her complimenting me got more and more common (about how smart and interesting I am, how she could listen to me talking forever, laughing and telling me I am actually very fun with my, in my opinion dumb, jokes etc.). Again, I did not think much of it, as I just took the ‘no’ as a ‘no’.

The following week our common friend was visited by her boyfriend, so she was kind of out of the picture.

At this point Emma suggested to go for a walk together by the beach. Honestly not something I’d do with someone I’ve talked to four or five times in the last 5 years, but whatever. It was honestly very nice, again many compliments and interest in me as a person, laughs, eye contact, talking about everything etc. An overall great two hours. But I tried not to think much of it, as there were no subtle signs such as physical contact or whatever.

The following day we went out for kind of a dinner with our friend and her boyfriend, and it was basically them being a couple and us being whatever we are and talking the whole time. Alcol played its part, I started with my talking about things I am pretty passionate about and she seemed to enjoy. At some point of the night our mutual friend wanted to take a picture while we were sitting on a bench in a square; Emma leaned a bit on me and put her legs on top of mine, then a bit later said she had no clue how they ended up there and she was sorry. Again, really don’t know if this was a sign or whatever. Later that night alcol helped me ask her to watch a movie together the next day at my place maybe, and she happiily agreed. Which I thought was a good sign or whatever.

Now, when we met at my place she decided to sit on a chair to watch the movie (despite a big sofa on the side being a thing), which honestly put all my hopes down. Again, I am very shy from this point of view, so I did not attempt any physical contact myself, also as I didn’t want to pressure her. Later on we stayed together and kept talking until late at night, and the subject of gender roles came out. I talked about how my sister usually approaches guys at bars, while I am in general a very shy person; Emma replied that she maybe tries to approach guys if she feels like it, but would never physically take the first step in a kiss or whatever. Followed by “I wonder what happens if two people like this meet, uh?”.

And I just stared a few seconds like a deer blinded by lights, not understanding if it was a general comment or something referred to me.

From that point (exactly last week), we just met once (with her not wanting to meet the two of us alone on Friday and Sunday, as she was “tired”) and I am kind of scared I fucked it up. We went for another walk just the two of us two days ago, and while things were fine, she said things like “I don’t really take care of my hair when I go out with you, hope you don’t mind”, or “Yeah, my mother suggests to go out with a boyfriend, as if there was anything for me here; there’s a reason I wanna go away ASAP”.

So yeah, I am just pretty confused. Thinking about it I’d say she definitely has (never had) no interest and is just like this towards everyone probably; but at the same time I am worried it could be just my lack of self esteem talking. If there’s something from her side, though, I really don’t want to let it go away without giving my best to make it work. Mostly because I feel very much chemistry when we talk and interact in general, and I really really like her as a person. I feel like there could be something more.

But yes, at the moment I really have no clue how I should act towards her, or if I should do anything at all. I am pretty scared of screwing things up even more. Any idea?