There have been a few things resonating in my mind from a post a few days ago. Part of me just wants to put these thoughts in one place, share them, think about them myself.

I could feel myself getting overwhelming and I could not seem to stop myself, in all honesty a therapist could have done me wonders at that point in my life

I loved her, I loved her heart, we saw ourselves in each other. I was convinced we were going to happen, … nothing happened. She chose what was in my mind a terrible choice with an old drawn out bad relationship. I couldn’t see on the other hand I was disentigrating into another bad choice turning into a weird emotional goop myself, in a bad way.

If I could go back, I would have just made my points and left her alone. Just tonight, I had a reflection of what she must of felt like when I wouldn’t give her space to reply on her own accord, even if she never replied.

This is how I got here tonight: I’ve been blowing off a friend of mine, his calls and texts lately, because he usually wants something or simply because he is a huge distraction from getting things of my own done, the fact that he doesn’t give me the respect and space to get back to him when I feel like it and just initiates the calls and texts, even if it’s been days is really annoying, tonight it stung me in a bad way. I was having a peaceful night, then ring, buzz, beep, annoying friend you feel bad about ignoring, but you still want to ignore won’t leave you alone.

I rembered how i let myself get carried away back then with her, and wondered how it must have made her feel. Even if her relationship that she chose over me was shit I should not have tried to insert myself every time my feelings spiked. It was bad for both of us to do that. I was falling apart and kept going.

Sometimes life just gets hard to navigate.