I started seeing a marine OLD. We talked for about a month before we met. I was like this guy is too good to be true. He checked all my boxes. We went on a date and it was the best date I had ever been on – not just emotional (because I was happy) it was in actuality. We spontaneously went kayaking. Ive NEVER done anything other than food home movies. He was scarily the exact person I have been looking for…..

BUT because he was so perfect… I friend zoned him immediately… I was so scared it was just my only reaction. I gave him a hug good bye with no kiss or looking into his eyes I was too nervous. We messaged the next day and then I posted “I went adventuring yesterday and made an awesome new friend!!! A certain marine:)” and he ghosted. About a week passed without talking. I never once messaged him after he didnt message me back the first time. Then I sent him ‘Thank you so much for being such a great guy. You were the only guy I had actually been interested in in a long time. So thank you:) and once he opened it and didnt respond back within like a minute, I deleted him from my friends and we have no way to contact each other. I just didnt want to handle the anxiety anymore. Im not used to it. Im used to having no feelings for a guy and being like ‘yeah whatever’

I fucked up I think. I meannn he could have actually not liked me. I dont think so though, He insisted on paying for everything. They were all his ideas. We each went back to our places after brunch to change for kayaking… he could have ended it then. He carried everything for me. After the day I hit my head on my car door opening it and he was like ‘awww if I had been there I would have tried to make it better.’ idk…. Maybe Ill feel better knowing he just wasnt interested in me because he likes blondes or something I cant change about myself. I feel like he left though because of my choice of words. He paid for brunch after I was goign to buy my own, and he said he wants too. He wants to feel like the man and something about his feminist mother. But my idiot self pulled my card back out to pay for my kayak at the end of the date and told the guy to split it after my date told me that he wanted too earlier. I was just so nervous and liked him and didnt want him to think thats all I wanted.