Hi there, this is my first post so please bear with me. I am 24F, my partner is 24M.

There is a TLDR at the bottom!! (please excuse an errors, I poured myself some liquid courage to post this!)

We have been dating pretty much since we were both 16, we meet in high school and hit it off.

We have been dating since we were 16, broke up for a few months when we were 18 when he moved away to join the Army. We started dating shortly again after this when I also moved away for university, but to a different town, approx 3 hours away (we have been pretty much long distance for most of the relationship)!!! He is all I have ever known and have ever loved. He had one or two girlfriends before me, but was only like 16 so wasn’t to experienced, only some kissing and like “2nd base”.

2 years ago we moved to the same city and started living together.

I am expecting for us to move to the next stage soon, I know he has spoke about being engaged with my older brother, just to check the waters to see if we were in the same spot. His whole family is pretty disfuctional and “dating to engaged to married to kids” isn’t the norm for them. (I am just mentioning this as I am the opposite, not that we are normal, but that we have a lot that follow that rhythm and that seem happy)

All I know is him and I am starting to worry that I may “miss out” on other people and other style relationships/feelings etc. I am starting to freak out a bit and wonder if this is normal.

I love him, but I don’t know if i “am in love” with him or just the idea of him or if I just like who he is.

A big problem is that we don’t have much sex!! At first I thought this was due to us being long distance and him preferring oral sex as it was quicker and maybe more exciting the actual sex and the fact that we are both inexperienced and it was painful to start with for both of us. I have worked on this problem myself with practising with sex toys and stretches etc to make things easier for us, but he hasn’t done anything like that (he does seem to have a problem with pain and his penis, but he hasn’t done anything about it!!) . However, since we have moved in together I can count on my hand the number of times we have had sex in the last 2 years!! I am concerned about the subject, but every 3/4 months we have a discussion about where we are at sexually, I state that I am unhappy with how things are going and he promises that things will change and that he will try harder/something new. We have had this discussion 7 or 8 times I the last few years and nothing had changed!!! I am feeling very unsatisfied and under appreciated because he keep promising things will change without anything happening.I don’t want to force him into anything that he uncomfortable with, but I am starting to get annoyed with the situation.

We have also started to get on each others nerves a bit since lock down. He isn’t super on top of the cleanliness of the house or aware of the normal jobs to be done like bleaching the shower or taking out the trash or doing the extra laundry (towels, tea towels, bath matt’s etc) and if he does remember to do one of the jobs he acts as if he deserves a reward or if it is a big deal and needs to be applauded!!

I think he may also be developing a bit of a drug problem. We have both experimented a bit with basic drugs (weed, jungle juice, nangs etc) but he really seems to be very into cocaine. He has lied to me more then once about his intake of it, and really seems to be excited about doing it more and more(and the amount he does is also quite worrying!!) I dont mind as experimenting with the occasional dose, but this is a bit more then I am comfortable with!

We had a fight a few weeks ago because he promised he wouldn’t do any, he looked me in the eyes and promised not too. I then saw him later on at the party doing it in the bedroom. I confronted him about it and he lied to me, even though I saw him do it!! This had been a sore spot for us ever since!!

I am concerned with how things can go from here, with the lying about drugs, the constant “naging” of basic household chores and to the lack of sex. I pretty much feel like a virgin with the amount of sex we have had for our 8 year relationship!!

I am not sure how to move forward or if we should. I love him ( A LOT) and can see our futures together easily, and other then these problems we get along great!

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! (also please let me know if something doesn’t make sense, I got a bit drunk and finally got the courage to type it out!! Please let me know if i am the bad guy in this situation?!!

TLDR: Have been dating for 8 years since we were teenagers. We don’t have much of a sex life and argue about drug use and very day chores. Not sure how to move forward… Would love some advice!