Last year I (25M) had short term relationship with a girl (24F) that had a very painful ending. Afterwards, it dwelt on my mind for months and I fell into depression. I though I was over it by now, but a friend of mine mentioned her recently, and for the last few days I’ve been going over things in my mind again. The situation still makes no sense to me, and I don’t know what to make of it, or what to take away from it. Was wondering if anyone here might have any insights or similar experiences

We met on tinder and hit it off straight away, we had good banter and agreed to meet up. The chemistry in person was even more intense than over text. We had an abnormal amount of shared interests and the same sort of humour. I’d never really clicked with someone like that on a first date before, there was this palpable electricity to the whole situation.

We arranged another date for the end of the week. We ended up getting drunk and having sex at my place. The sex was very intense, we were both on the kinkier side and our preferences meshed perfectly, we were both very satisfied. We then stayed up all night having DNCs. By now I knew that I’d never had these sort of feelings for another person before.

For the next 3 months she’d stay over like 2-3 times a week (her ex still lived at her place so we didn’t think it’d be wise for me to stay there), and we’d do on outings on the weekend. Within a few weeks I told her that I liked her alot, and she assured me that it was a mutual feeling. From then on she got pretty affectionate with me. I’d get texts from her saying how lucky she was to have me, how she felt like a teenager with a crush, how she got giddy thinking about having out with me. She’d also go out of her way to do stuff for me (drive me to work, come over and cook ect). She always worried about seeming too forward, it never bothered me though. Towards the end she suggested that we do a weekend at a resort over her uni break, and brought up meeting her family. We had been dating for 3 months at this point.

Within a week of that suggestion she grew distant. Her grandma died around this time as well. I knew she was struggling, and tried to be there for her, but didn’t wanna be overbearing and needy during this time, so I gave her space. After a few days of this she sent me an abrupt message, basically a measly few lines saying she thought we should just be friends, as she was in a bad place mentally. I tried to respect her wishes and went NC, but was completely devastated. After about two weeks I reached out to see how she was doing, and told her that I hoped we could work things out together . She then admited that she’d ended things as she met someone else, some coworker who’d consoled her after her grandma’s death.

After a bout a month of NC she reaches out to me and starts profusely apologising, saying how much she regretted what had happened, and how much of an idiot she was for impulsively throwing me away. She wanted to meet up to apologize in person.

We met up and she opened up to me about her mental health issues. She had mentioned her traumatic childhood briefly before, but on this night she went into great detail about it, and how it had lasting impacts on her mental wellbeing. She had a history of self harm as a young teen, and had attempted suicide. I felt really bad for her, but it didn’t change my romantic feelings. I told her I would want to try things again. She said she was at a low point mentally, and didn’t want to pursue a relationship with anyone until she’d properly addressed her mental health (started going to a psychologist). She said she wanted to be my friend though, and that she saw me as a serious partner.

Over the next few months we texted and hung out platonically a few times. She abruptly became distant again though, and kept flaking on hangouts, which she attributed to being stressed with uni. To make things confusing though she’d occasionally send really affectionate messages, saying she wanted to snuggle with me, or how much she missed seeing me. I didn’t really know what to do, I obviously wanted to be with her, but things were very vague and ill-defined. After awhile a friend of mine, who’d been insisting what all awful person she was, showed me that he’d matched with her on tinder. I was pretty shattered at this point, and really sick of endlessly feeling anxious about the whole situation. I told her I felt like I was being strung along and asked her where we were at? She abruptly said she had no romantic feelings. I asked her what the deal was with the affectionate messages then? She then blocked me on all social media, and that was that.

I’ve dated since, but nothing has come close to the connection I had with her. I still don’t understand what happened. Her feelings for me felt so genuine, but she discarded me like a piece of trash twice with zero thought. I was informed by a friend that she’s FB official with a new guy now, which is what me thinking about things again.

Does anyone have any insights or similar experiences?