/u/totesmcgoatsandboats | Author

OG post https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/h9jeau/trying_to_restart_convo_with_guy_but_delays_in/

Dated a guy for ~1.5 months before corona started. He got corona in March, started fading. I called him out for it after he got better and he said he was having a hard time coping and that maybe we should catch up when it’s all over. I agreed we could reconnect, so paused dating in April. I had reached out recently to see if he wanted to catch up and (days later) he told he’d like to but he just flew back to his home country, and I responded with “let’s catch up when you get back” and he said (days later) “wow, perfect”.

My friend is looking to move to my city in the near future, and as she was sharing apartment listings with me, she sent me one and immediately I recognized it as the guy’s apartment and unit. There was a video virtual tour and it was his furniture. The apartment became available the first day of June which lines up with when he responded to me that he was already in another country.

I know for a fact that he renewed his lease in February because he told me. So he must have broken his lease. Which makes me believe he will be on the other side of the world for a while. And I guess who knows why he had to break his lease and move (i.e. decided to move back to ride out 2020 chaos, work visa, etc).

Why did he not bring up the move/indefinite stay in home country when I reached back out? Why couldn’t he just tell me he won’t be back for a while? Why use words like “wow” and “perfect”? If he’s not interested, he had the perfect opportunity to end it because being out of the country for a while is a legitimate excuse that dating can’t work (no anger can come out of that). Why not end it!?! Is it because he wants to have options open when he gets back? Maybe he’s a sadist and is wants to mess with me? Is he that avoidant with being direct about ending dating? I gave him that opportunity when coronavirus was starting to amicably end it.

Trying to understand the psychology of why someone would do this. And our convo is still ongoing but just very slow, should I even keep responding? I’m definitely going to pursue other dating options, but I’m still sad and confused. Was really holding out for this guy because I felt a comfortability with him I haven’t felt with the other guys.

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I started dating a guy a month before coronavirus started. He got coronavirus and we stopped talking as much. It was also impossible to see him without incurring risks because we live pretty far apart from each other. I called it out and said let’s pause dating, and he said he was having a hard time dealing with quarantine and said let’s catch up when it’s all over.

Fast forward 3 months, I realize corona won’t be over for a while but restrictions are being lifted now. I also moved and now live closer to the guy where meeting up is now possible. I ask if he wants to catch up on a walk, but he responds to be 3 days later saying he would like to but he’s actually back in his home country and that he was flying when I sent the message. I am assuming he’s going to be in his home country for a while because it is requiring visitors, including citizens, to quarantine for two weeks. I tell him I live in the same borough now and let’s catch up when he’s back. He responds again, a few days later, and says perfect and asks me how’s the city like. And to be clear, I do believe he’s actually in a different country because some of his responses have been at like 5am.

I can’t tell if he’s already lost interest or his responses are sparse because he’s out of the country and possibly busy with mandatory quarantining or preoccupied with his trip. At the same time, I’m also spacing out my responses because I’m mirroring his response time and also he’s on a trip and I don’t want to come off as needy. Why would a guy use words like “would like to” and say “perfect” if he didn’t really mean it? Why say “let’s catch up when it’s all over” if he didn’t mean it? Am I overthinking?

I totally get that we were only dating for a month, and it was very much still trying to become something. I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket, but I did like what I had with him, we were seeing each other multiple times a week, and it would be nice to see if it can still go somewhere despite coronavirus putting a wedge in it.

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Author Archive: /u/totesmcgoatsandboats

Trying to reconnect with guy, still responds but is slow, found out he left the country indefinitely

Trying to restart convo with guy but delays in responses

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