“You’re perfect. You treat me so well, and I am always dying laughing, always looking forward to seeing you, but there is no spark.”

This is a post I just need to make to vent and get some advice here. Sorry for the ramble, I’ll try to keep it short. I met this girl through work, she reached out to me because we had a work related phone convo and she felt I was special. We instantly hit it off, talked over text and the phone like crazy all day. We eventually met in person for the first time and had an amazing time. We didn’t have sex but I went down on her and honestly gave her one of the most intense O’s i’ve ever seen someone have, not to toot my own horn. But I felt pretty good. We cuddled the rest of the night before I had to go home. We live over an hour apart. All along the while, she makes me laugh and feel great. I honestly thought everything was perfect. I try to be reserved at first but I was getting these “she may be the one” feelings even after a week. Maybe the fact she let me eat her out on the first date was a red flag that she was just looking for something more casual.

But this whole time she kept complimenting me, saying how great I was, how she is glad nobody has taken me off the market.. all the things you want to hear from someone who seems like they want a real relationship.

She asked me out on a 2nd date, and well during quarantine there isn’t a whole lot to do, so we ended up waiting in line for several hours for some food at a packed drive thru that is always packed and takes hours. She didn’t even like the food, but knew I’d never had it before so we went. We got out of the car and danced together, we sang together, held hands, kissed.. I mean what did I miss here?

Why would someone do all that if they didn’t feel anything? — She starts telling me how she has trust issues and is afraid of being hurt, how she never has had a good relationship and doesn’t know how to take care of it, etc… And normally she would just ghost or tell people to fuck off, but she really cares about me. She said she really wanted me to know that she was going through this because she felt I was special.

So I let her have some space while she does that, but she just pulls away.

Wtf mate? I just don’t get it. Asked her what was up and we talked on the phone. I asked if there was something I could do to help her through this trust issue and she said it would help if I could tell her how I felt. So I put myself out there and was just honest. Told her I was crazy about her, how I want to keep getting to know her and go out more, how much I enjoy talking with her. She ends up saying that Everything about me is amazing. That I treat her like a queen, that she is always dying laughing around me, that she always looks forward to hearing from me or seeing me.. But just “something” isn’t there. Like there is no spark… But she really feels I am special and cares about me.

So I had to tell her that I just can’t really continue like that then and think we shouldnt talk much anymore. She keeps saying she is sorry and we hang up..

I am confused. I know I should just love myself and not care, but everything seemed perfect. I am normally pretty good at spotting my mistakes, or seeing signs they aren’t interested.. But she gave so many she was. From all the affection she was giving, to playing love songs in the car while we waited, to touching me, kissing me, grabbing my hand to hold. Was I too nice? I wasn’t unconfident, clingy or anything of the like.. Just said sweet things.

I seriously hate dating. I don’t know what it is about me that pushes people away, but I am reserved at first and can take a minute to get to know. That doesn’t ever seem to create any “spark” at all for people and I just am lost. If you suffered through this. Help. I’d be glad to elaborate or answer any questions.