I’m 17(f) living in the USA. There’s this guy that I’ve “known” since about June 2019 — i dont actually know him though he’s this pen pal i guess that lives in Europe. I “know” him because he was the friend of a girl’s brother that moved to my school from his country. He and I have established that we both like each other, and it’s pretty obvious on how we feel for each other. He said that one day he wants to come to the USA for college and maybe we can continue whatever we have going on between us (of course, depending on where he plans to live). He and I are both seniors in high school and as I’m transitioning into college next year, he is planning to take a gap year so that he can study for the SAT and apply to universities here and get a full ride because he’s really poor and can’t afford the tuition that most colleges want.

Well, we both stated that there’s no way we can date because we dont know each other. He’s even told me “I love you” multiple times but I either brush it off or tell him that even though I like him, there’s no way he actually can because we’ve never met. I’m more uncomfortable about what he and I have together because we’re both really young and I sometimes feel like what we have might be a bit desperate since we have the rest of our lives to find people to actually love. I am not against LDR or online dating for others, but for myself, I’d rather seek those that I know in real life instead of a guy who lives all the way around the world who I probably would have no future with.

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It might seem harsh but I think that my feelings for him might be contradictory, because despite what I want for us, I still really like him. I feel like if we knew each other IRL we would be a good pair. We have a lot in common and I find him really interesting. We even told our mothers about each other. And our moms are our everything. But when I told her, naturally, she was against it because I’m her only child and on top of that, daughter. She thinks he’s cute but thinks that I shouldn’t waste my time because the possibility of us actually being together is slim to none. And I agree, but I love talking to him. She thinks that we may even be soulmates (hahaha) because I told her about this one time that he and I had a dream about each other the same night and it was about us dating. But, she still thinks that it’s not meant to be.

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However,,,,, because we basically talk on a day to day basis, I’d like to say that I’m somewhat attached to him (or maybe the attention, idk at this point), and although I told him that we’re not a thing, I got pretty jealous about what had occurred about a month ago or so.

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Before this happened, he and I were talking about people at our school that we find attractive. I sent him a picture of this one guy that I had a fling with once but made it very clear that it’s past us and that he and I aren’t even friends. He got jealous and said that he’s a lucky guy. I brushed it off bc i dont care about my ex-one time fling anymore. He then proceeds to send me a picture of this one girl and say that she was the prettiest girl in his whole country. That kind of took me aback because IMO i didn’t think she was all that, even though she is pretty, I just didn’t think that she’s THAAAAT pretty as he makes her out to be — but to each their own. I honestly though that she was out of his league bc she could do better if they were ever a couple. I also thought that she probably thinks she’s too good for him and probably doesn’t even bother talking to him.

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Boy, was I wrong. A month ago, I went on his facebook and saw that he posted a selfie. He got a lot of comments to which most of them were family members which I thought was adorable (just by looking at their pfp bc they looked much older). However, I saw that his most recent comment was a heart and a hug emoji (❤️🤗), to which he replied with a monkey emoji covering its eyes and a face with hearts around it ( 🙈🥰 ). I clicked on her profile and saw that it was the girl who he claimed to be the prettiest in his whole country. I felt pretty hurt. Who wouldn’t? I mean, he obviously likes this girl and she seems to like him enough to comment flirty emojis — like seriously girl?? You couldn’t do better???? I seriously thought that she wouldn’t even find him to be cute considering the way she looks. Idk what hurt me more, the fact that the girl that he thinks is the prettiest in his country probably likes him back, or the fact that I’m 5,500 miles away from the guy that I like and cant do anything about it.

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Because it’s all out of my hands, I didn’t try to resist it or anything. I feel like a side piece. Even though they aren’t dating and neither are we, it just doesn’t sit right with me. So, I just stopped talking to him. It’s probably toxic of me to do, but I just kinda ghost people when something goes wrong because I hate confrontation unless they really f*** me over. But in this case, I didn’t feel like it was something that needed to continue. I just let things be and tried to avoid his messages at all costs because I don’t want to hurt myself over a guy who I don’t even know. He caught onto this and kept poking, asking what was wrong so I finally gave in and told him. He said that she was just a friend and that that there was nothing between them. I didnt know how to feel about that, because in my country, my guy friends and I don’t flirt with eachother by commenting cute emojis underneath eachothers selfies.

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I just stopped talking to him completely and ignore all his messages now. He keeps messaging frequently trying to get me to talk to him but I’m pretty hurt by this and don’t know what to do. If it were you, what would you do? I obviously still really like him, but it doesn’t make me feel okay that the girl who he finds to be the “prettiest in the whole country” is his friend who he flirts with.

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TL;DR — the guy i like in a different country flirts with one of his friends who he finds to be overwhelmingly good looking.