Okay, let me explain. A couple months ago I made a post on reddit about my recent breakup. The girl I had been with for 10 years and was going to marry in a few months suddenly and unexpectedly broke up with me. The post got a lot of attention and I received a message from a girl who said the same exact thing happened to her with her boyfriend a few months prior. She said we could talk if I ever wanted to and I took her up on it. We both shared our stories and vented to each other. We eventually exchanged numbers since it would be easier than talking over Reddit, and shared pictures as well to put a face to a name.
She’s very sweet and kind. It’s been nice to have someone to talk to about things when I need it because there have definitely been ups and downs. Unlike her, I decided to try dating again right away because I didn’t want to waste any more time and felt it would help take my mind off things. I jumped into the hell that is online dating and learned very quickly that it isn’t so easy or fun. My previous relationship was my only one, and we were close friends first, so I have absolutely zero dating experience.
My new friend, however, hadn’t tried dating at all yet since her breakup. But, a couple weeks after we started talking, she met someone. She told me she met this guy and they went out. Right about this time I was also going on my first ever date, so we were both discussing our experiences with each other. Neither of us ended up hearing much back after our dates. She said hers went well but he was hardly talking to her any more and she couldn’t tell if he was interested. Since then I’ve had one other date which also didn’t pan out. She’s still been talking to that first guy, but says he still doesn’t give her much interest and she might not hear from him for days at a time.
Fast forward to this past weekend. She finally goes on her second date with this guy. I texted her last night to ask how it was and she said it was a lot of fun, but he’s still acting very reserved and careful. She says she’s still not sure exactly what his intentions are, so she isn’t setting her expectations high, but the sex is great, so whatever. She then apologized and said she’s had a lot to drink. I said I didn’t realize she was sleeping with him already and she said yeah she had sex with him on their first date because she wasn’t sure where it would go, so why not have fun at least?
This really threw me off. I know I don’t really know his person all that well, but she did not give me the impression that she would do something like that. She had been so cautious and unsure about getting back into dating because she too had been with someone for a very long time. It made me feel super weird. I’m not saying she did anything wrong or that I’m judging her, it’s just that I can’t even imagine meeting someone for the first time and having sex with them right away. It just made feel so far behind. I’m very inexperienced, in both dating and sex, so I feel like I’m not playing on the same level as everyone else, especially at my age. I know she’s not experienced in dating as well, but she had no problem diving right into it with someone.
I want to make a connection with someone and feel comfortable with them before we have sex. I’m wondering now though if I’m taking the wrong approach. Maybe the women I’ve talked to were actually wanting me to be more proactive about being intimate. That just goes so much against my instincts though, not that I have many when it comes to romance. I wasn’t winning at the dating game before, but now I feel totally lost. When I picture myself with someone, I see a lot of cuddling, hand holding, kissing, etc. before getting to sex. But it feels like with a lot of people maybe sex is part of the getting to know someone phase. This was more of a vent, but if anyone wants to chime in and teach me some lessons in love it would be appreciated.
