Better way to fix things?

Hi im having a hard time communicating with my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 months but have been friends for 6 years. I love him but the issue is he gets very defensive and cold when I talk to him about my concerns with him. But he gets upset with me when I do that or not tell him how I'm feeling when he ask. It can be anything from asking him how many beers or cigarettes he had that day which he said he was trying to quit and asked me to support him and help him or talking about my insecurities and things that make me uncomfortable. He always says where is this coming from and he is blindsided by this, even when I start by saying this isn't an attack I just want to express how I feel about this which he says he wants that but gets upset when I bring anything up. How can I change the way I say things so he can better handle it and not get closed off?