Me and my ex gf are both 21 (i will be in 2 months)
We broke up on the 3rd of April, mainly due to communicative issues. 3 days after our 1 year.
We were fighting somewhat (she always thought I was mad or upset sith her when I wasn’t, sometimes I was mad, but would stat quiet as I snag want to cause an issue) and had issues but she never told me these things bothered her, or she was unhappy, and I thought everything was fine, but I was blindsided by a breakup.
She never told me she was unhappy or bothered in the relationship. She told me the night before she loved me. Which confuses me.
I tried to talk to her about working things out, but she doesn’t want to at all. I call her a week later and she tells me to fuck off basically. She said she had a migraine and was just angry all day, so she treated me badly and said things she didn’t mean.
This was my first serious (I wished it was my last) relationship, and she made me happy, and I thought everything was great, until she broke up with me unexpectedly. It was completely blindsiding.
She told me that it was because she didn’t want to put more on my plate by talking about what was wrong in the relationship. At this time, I was going through parental divorce, family deaths, and my mother trying to kill herself on pills.
She should have told me, and she knows that. This is why I don’t think the breakup was my fault, because I was never told she was unhappy or miserable so I couldn’t try and remedy the issue.
She cited many of the issues we had, and acted cold and hateful towards me.
During our breakup, she treated me terribly, I pissed her off because I wanted to make things work but she didn’t.
I started to move on, so I started to. I started talking to this amazing girl who already seems like a step up from my ex girlfriend, we’ve met up, and are exclusive now, as I do genuinely like her a lot.
Me and my ex, had this talk, before we were exclusive
Funny enough, she comes back.
She messaged me at 2AM one night wanted to talk about things. I told her fine, and we called around 10:30, and we talked for about 4 hours. I was shaking for some reason when this happened, possibly nerves.
She told me this at the very end by the way:
She told me she initially called me to apologize (She treated me not the best during the breakup), and we caught up, talking about how things went down, what we could have done better, and how things could be better.
We started talking about getting back together, and it was going really well at one point, we were talking about our futures together, and how we’re going to hang out and whatnot over the summer.
However, after a while of talking, she starts doubting if it’s a good idea: she’s torn, and what’s to be with me, but content with being alone.
She also said: she didn’t want me to move on, and she didn’t want to either. I didn’t want to move on either.
She also started insulting the girl I’m talking to, saying stuff like: she’s not your type, she has weird tattoos and she wears pink? I’m not sure, anything to like make her seem less than her?
We keep going back and forth until she says she doesn’t want anything with us right now.
Dropping breadcrumbs like: maybe in the future when we’re both single, we can try again, but she doesn’t want to right now
She doesn’t want a relationship and wants to be alone, and it’s not you, it’s me.
She even said after I said I’m never enough, she said: yes you are, you are amazing.
She told me I was a great boyfriend, and I was great. So no matter what, it seems like I’m not good enough?
Even her mother told her not to break up with me and to think about it. That’s not really important, but she even told me that.
She also exclaims to have never given thought to the idea of us getting back together, yet she entertains it? For 2 hours?
But she just wants to be alone.
She then said down the road she wants to try and be friends. Like what the actual f? You break my heart, treat me like shit, lead me on, and you expect me to just forget about it?
It feels like she strung me along, the whole time, saying she didn’t think the conversation of us getting back together was even possible.. but SHE CONTRIBUTED A TON TO THAT.
She said she was sorry, but I kept my composure, didn’t cry, or yell, I told her how I felt: I was mad, and disappointed that she would do this to me. Like how can you do that? How can you be okay after that?
She doesn’t want me to wait around on her as that’s not fair to me, and not to her either.
Do I ever contact her again? Am I wrong to feel this way?
I’m not devastated, I told her I’m really upset, pissed, annoyed and disappointed and I am, and basically hung up. Ending on her feeling bad, as she should for how she lead me on. I truly am all these emotions at the moment.
I let her know she hurt me, I didn’t act like everything was okay, I couldn’t physically do that.
Before the call ended I told her, we’re making a mistake here, you are making a mistake here. And she remained silent. I’m not trying to make her feel bad, it feels like a good thing is being tossed away.
I hope she’s not the one that got away:(
My friends and family would hate me if I ever got back with her too, they know all the good times we had, and the bad, and they would strangle me, as they have seen me have breakdowns over this girl during the breakup. The thing is, part of me still wants to work things out as if communication was better, it could have worked.
Because she’s ducking with my head, saying stuff like ‘I still have feelings for you’ and it don’t want you to move on’, but she does this? Like what am I supposed to believe? Is she playing mind games with me?
Part of me also believes that she wants me to stop talking to the new girl, so she has no worry about me moving on before her or whatnot. And if I did, she’d leave soon after.
An update to this is that: during the breakup, she said in the relationship, she blocked this crazy ex she had on her phone, but after we broke up, she says how he texted her (thought he was blocked). In our relationship, she had a extremely toxic and abusive ex, who almost forced her and her parents to get a restraining order against him. He’s in another relationship, but the fact that she exclaimed all this and still contacts him is ridiculous. He did really hard drugs, really fucked her up mentally, and blocked him out of her life in our relationship, saying that she hates him and all the 9 yards. But despite all this, and having her have me block him on Instagram during the relationship, she is apparently following him and presumably talking to him. This really hurt as she told me how much he hurt her and how she would never speak to him again.
Following this, I blocked her on Instagram, as I felt like she doesn’t have the right to know what I’m up to. However, her brother decides to refollow me, which is quite weird as I know her brother was fond of me. But I have a suspicion she is stalking me as she cannot do it in her social media.
I know this sounds childish and whatnot, but I’m genuinely lost, as i feel hurt and confused by her actions.
Like:
Is she playing with me? Do I have a chance? Am I an idiot? I could really go for some answers right now.
tl;dr : ex gf broke up with me out of nowhere, comes back after she told me to move on, wants to get back together, changes her mind, and doesn’t want a relationship. She broke up with me, lead me on, doesn’t want me to move on either. Then follows back her toxic/abusive ex on Instagram, and stalks me. Questioning if she’s the one that got away. Part of me still wants to rekindle, but I don’t even know if it’s worth it. I really need solid advice, maybe you guys have experience with these situations? I don’t know, I just need genuine advice.
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