i (22F) have always had a little crush on this guy (23M) for as long as i can remember. he’s probably my first long lasting crush and i hate it. we ended up hooking up in high school when i was in grade 11 about 2-3 times. i was a virgin, so the furthest we’ve gone was oral but he was well experienced and i remember seeing a condom during one of the occasion that freaked me out because we never discussed doing that, but we didn’t end up going that far anyways because something happened that forced us to stop. during the last occasion that occurred in high school, i remember repeatedly telling him to stop till i had to push myself off because he simply, wouldn’t stop. i didn’t process it at the time what had happened. after that we didn’t talk again until i was in second year of university. i don’t know why i was still so infatuated with him but this time, we had sex and it happened over 3 different occasions during the summer of 2018, it was good. he ended up ignoring me for what feels like a full year after that but i found out in December of 2019 that he was still using my old nudes to get off even though he acted as if i didn’t exist. i called him out for it and he replied with some really mean stuff, saying how i’m not that special, i’m just another girl to have sex with him and to stop acting like he was so thirsty for me. anyways since we last talked in December, i still find myself checking up on his socials, to see if he’s happy and found someone or hoping that he would reach out to me and apologize for treating me as if i was only good enough for sex. idk why it bothers me so much, he was such a dick to me and yet i still find myself giving him the benefit of the doubt. i hate it here!!
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