I need some help. I’m 17 and I just broke up with my first girlfriend and I really loved her and still do. We were together for a year and half and I would literally spend every spare second I had with her. Sure I wasn’t perfect and I made mistakes I always understood that but I feel like I was willing to change and everytime she pointed out my mistakes or something that I was doing that made her feel bad I would understand and try to do everything in my power to change to make us better and strengthen our relationship. This is something that I expected back and yeah she did with some stuff but we always had this one issue. She’s a year younger than me so she has different friends. I’m not friends with any other girls and I would go to some other partys without her and she would understand just like I would understand when she would go to parties without me. But everytime I went places I would have her invited and ask her to go and sometimes she wouldn’t want too. I always wanted to go everywhere with her. This would always bother me but I just tried to ignore it. Then one day idk what hit me but I thought how come I’m always trying to get her to go places with me but she never asks or tries to get me to go places with her. I told her how I felt and we had talks about this and she told me that it was just because she only saw all those people as friends and didn’t think they wanted me there. I felt like I had to beg her to even ask and when she finally did her other guy friends didn’t want me at their party. This hurt a lot especially when she went. I tried to ignore it more because she makes me so happy when we were together. Another problem we had was that she would always hangout with one of her friends (a girl) and another guy or two and would never invite me, to me this felt like she was going on other double dates or something even though I know she wouldn’t cheat on me or ever hurt me. But I told her how much it was bothering me and that it was a problem and she told me how she didn’t want to miss out with her friends and that she was never going to change and stop doing that. This hurt me a lot and I tried to mask it and ignore it. After about two weeks I couldn’t do it anymore and told her I wanted to break up. At first I felt relieved. Then she texted me and asked to talk again. We talked and she told me she never realized how much it was bothering me and she told me she would do anything for me and told me she would change and not go places anymore. Then I felt confused like why wouldn’t she just tell me that before, why did it take losing me for her to want that. I told her I couldn’t just jump back into the relationship because I felt confused and I didn’t want to promise her I would feel the same again. But I still had and still do have feelings for her, so I suggested we just try to be friends and see how it goes. We started talking less but still talked to eachother every day. Then about two weeks of that went by and we talked again and decided to stop talking completely, and thought that was the best option. I know haven’t talked to her in 2 days and I feel so bad. I’m dying for her voice, for her touch, just for her. I’ve been stalking her Snapchat all day and just watching our streak go away and best friends title disappear. I want to reach out but Ik if I think about all the bad things I don’t want her back. But I still love her and I want to say something so bad. I can’t picture myself with anyone else and the thought of her moving on and being with other people is killing me. I’m trying to keep no contact but I’m driving myself crazing thinking about why it can’t be different I want to be with her but at the same time I don’t. Why couldn’t she have just told me all those things before I broke up with her. I just don’t know how to move foreward from here and any help or advice for my situation would be great. Thanks.
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