Dating as a single parent

How???! How do you do it?? I’ve tried a few times but it never sticks.

Usually it’s because I have no confidence (who wants to date a single mom?) sometimes I just don’t have the energy (I can’t effectively divide my attention between kiddo and getting to know a “stranger”). Ultimately, I’ve been single for several years deciding to put all my attention and effort into raising kiddo and being happy on my own.

Well, long story short, before my mom died she said one of her dying wishes is that someday I find someone for myself. Oof. I panicked and joined a dating app. Pretty quickly met someone. Not totally my type but it was nice talking to someone. After that, my mom quickly got sick, was hospitalized, came home and died in hospice days later. He talked me through it, as he had experience. He let me vent and say whatever I needed to say. A few times I gave him an out, if this was too much to handle with a new person. He insisted on sticking around. I was very grateful, maybe even felt I owed him.

My mom died a little over a week ago. I haven’t been thinking clearly, I know that now. Over the weekend he was getting a little sexually intense. I allowed him to send dick pics, he wanted some dirty pics from me but that’s not my thing. He talked a lot of fantasy like what he’d do to me. By the beginning of this week I gained some clarity and realized things just weren’t sitting right any more.

• when we talked about meeting up for the first time, I said I needed a babysitter and he insisted it was okay if kiddo was around. Ehh, that’s weird but I ignored it.

• he said he was “willing” to wear a condom, as if that isn’t a given and he would only do it for my sake

• became very sexual when he knew I had just suffered a tragic loss

• I noticed none of the selfies(or dick pics) he’s sent me are current, while he ‘nagged’ me for current pics, which I obliged.

• also when talking about meeting, he asked if he could crash on my couch if we were to be at my house (no I don’t want strange in my and my kids house on the first date) which leads me to;

• he’s on a fixed income and I initially said it was no big deal. It’s a neurological issue that prevents him from work and driving. At first I didn’t care because I’m not on the prowl for a serious relationship, but now that I think about it, if we did date, that sounds like a lot of work on my part. That aside, he doesn’t come off as having any ambitions or motivations.

I’m not expecting anyone to tell me to cut and run, I just wanted to point out that during a very weird time for me, someone acted like they were there for me and went in for the kill when things settled. I don’t want to meet him anymore.

I have a couple babysitters in my contacts and my schedule is flexible while WFH, but it’s still pretty daunting dating as a single parent. There is so much at stake, so many variables. I’m not looking for his step dad. I’m not going to let a potential predator gain access. I’m not going to be “that mom” who goes through a bunch of men in front of the child.

Regardless of what my mom wished for, I do feel like I deserve a good partner who could also be a good influence in kiddo’s life eventually. Is that a fairy tale?