Some background: I'm not new to relationships and about 5 years ago I was with a girl for a year or so, but we weren't able to make it work since we lived too far away. Kinda an unfortunate scenario for the time/age. Since then, I haven't thought about or had any desire to date until this past year.
I talked to one girl who was my friend for 2 years prior, and we ended up having mutual feelings for each other. We started dating and we really seemed to like each other, but suddenly something changed after our second date. Nothing out of the ordinary happened from me, but she ended up ghosted me and neglected the fact we even dated. Found out she kinda dated me out of pity, since we were friends. I honestly feel bad for being so ignorant to the situation and not realizing that she genuinely did not want to date me.
When I started talking to the next girl a few months later I thought we connected on another level. Whenever we talked we always understood each other deeply and I thought we clicked really well. I ended up asking her out on a date and she seemed excited and said to message her to plan it out later. When I messaged her, she ghosted me for 2 weeks without a sorry or any explanation. I didn't really think much of it and kinda brushed it off and kept my head high.
When I talked to the next girl it was really fuckin' sick cause we liked talking with each other, we found each other really attractive, and I we had a lot in common. However I found out that she had like 15-20 fuckbuddys and was looking for another one to add to her list. I wasn't really interested in someone who only valued my physically (her close friend told me she despises exclusivity and intimacy). She knew I wanted something serious, but kinda led me on the entire time we were talking. So sadly, I dipped.
This last girl really kinda fucked me up tho. I started talking to her and everything was going great, pretty much all the good things from the above girls combined. Our interests aligned, when we talked it was always a good time and we related a lot from how our past relationships have gone. She ended up telling me she was moving in 3 or 4 months, but made it seem like we could still go for a relationship. I tried planning a date, but she ended up postponing it 2 times. On my 3rd time trying to plan it she told me she was emotionally unavailable and not ready for a relationship. Despite that tho, a week or so later she ends up complaining about how her love life "is complete garbage" and that "all guys are suck". Idk, it never really crossed my mind until then that I was 'that bad'.
I don't want to self-loathe a whole lot, but it really hurts seeing how meaningless I am to someone. My main issue is getting attached way too fast which leads to me feeling a lot more sad when I get rejected. I gotta work on myself a bunch because this isn't 'unlucky', and I truly believe that I am extremely flawed. Even with that tho, my self esteem has lowered so much from dating and it's honestly getting harder to put myself out there especially when I'm starting to feel like an unwanted burden for everyone I meet. I'm hopeful for my future and know I will get better with time, but I needed to get this off my chest and put it into writing.
submitted by /u/Mindless_Bird
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