Guy I’m dating (24M) said he didn’t want a relationship after 4 months. I (28F) cut him off. Now he wants to see me.

Hey everyone, posting from a throwaway because this situation is dumb as hell, just want some perspectives.

I had been dating a guy for 4 months and basically we got really close. We saw eachother at least twice a week, went on awesome dates and road trips (before covid), he texted me everyday, tagged me on social media posts, cooked for me frequently, dropped everything to see me whenever I needed him. He lives 45 mins away.

We have a lot of mutual connections in the city, and I was warned at the beginning by a friend’s boyfriend that this guy is sort of known to be a player. He is really attractive so I had my walls up from the beginning, but he chased me so much. I started to trust him when he really showed up for me, and drove me to a big doctors appointment when I was dealing with a health issue.

Around month 3, I tried to communicate about where this was going with him. I asked him if we were exclusive and he said yes.

A few weeks later he started to pull away and act distant. Our time spent together felt like we were hanging out as friends, but my feelings were growing. I asked him what his feelings were he kept saying he didn’t want to “define them prematurely” but “loved spending time with me.” I saw this as a giant blaring red flag but decided to give him two more weeks.

He started scaling back on intimacy when we were together until we totally stopped hooking up or even kissing. This was obviously not normal. After I saw a dating app on his phone, which he claimed to “not be using” – I decided that was it for me.

I called him and asked to come over, he did, and I called him out on the app and gave him an ultimatum. He said he really cared about me, was confused about wanting a relationship but said he wasn’t seeing anyone else (lol). I didn’t believe him. I told him that’s fine if he’s confused but that I’m not looking for an ambiguous situationship. I cut him off.

We didn’t speak for a week, and came back a week later asking me if I texted him from an anonymous number, to which I replied no, and almost asked him who the fuck he thinks he is to ask me that but decided to ignore him. Then another week later (yesterday) he texted asking me if I wanted to get lunch this weekend or if he could make something. I told him I could get a coffee somewhere (I’m not letting him in my house). Now he’s been trying to text me casually about random things and it’s just exhausting.

I am really, really wary of seeing him again. I’ve just started to get over him and been focusing on my classes, myself, and work. I don’t want to let this guy in to hurt me again. I said I wanted a relationship and I could not have been more clear. This is not a lot to ask of a guy I’ve been seeing for four months.

Is there a way know what his intentions are here and what he wants? I don’t want to waste my time and be led on again, and I can’t tell why he’s want to catch up because I very clearly told him to only come back if he wants a relationship (and if I’m still available for that).

Thanks for any advice.