Had my first crush in 8 years, felt like an absolute bozo the entire time and I’m finally taking the L

He’s [M27] the first non-toxic guy I’ve [F25] ever gravitated towards. Intentional with his words and always so empathetic. The context is that we met at church so the niceties mean less if not nothing. My crush has been strong since last winter, aka when we met.

Over time, we talked a bit about how we both were a little hesitant on being honest within our church community because trust is built with time. We had a few one on one conversations and I truly loved every moment with him. I was still an awkward panic in front of him, which is embarrassing at this point. And I have had multiple instances of knocking my head against my steering wheel because “why did you talk about tangerines for 5 minutes”.

And here’s the thing. Every conversation, every meetup, save for one, has been initiated by me. And finally, I realized the feeling was not mutual when I messaged him to continue a sentiment after one of our group meetings. Despite my texts being open to continuation, all he said was: “cooo”.

I reacted with an emoji and tossed my phone into my closet so I wouldn’t attempt to try and keep it going. I get it, it’s completely one-sided. So I’m just gonna watch the episode of Parks&Rec where they have the emergency drill. Where everything goes wrong but it all works out.

At the very least, I treasure him as a friend and I’m more than happy with that.

People who actually are interested in each other at the same time are a true wonder. Hopefully, I’ll experience that type of reciprocation someday.

Or I’ll adopt a dog and a cat and they’ll be best friends. That’s my best dream.

But in all seriousness, was there anything else I could’ve done? What is subtlety and how do you confess without feeling like a shriveling worm? I would’ve been down to just say “I like you enough to want to tell you about it, and if you don’t feel the same way, it’s cool too” but he also seems like the type who would be very uncomfortable that.

I’ve also been single for 25 years, I don’t know anything. Help.