Has anyone had an emotional ‘relapse’ from having an interaction with an ex while in a healthy relationship with someone new? What was your experience? Is this normal?

Hi everyone!

I'll cut to the chase as much as possible: I am currently seeing someone new and we have been dating for the good part of 4 months, spending two of those in lockdown together. Recently, with measures lifting where I'm from, I had a run in with an ex from the 'relationship' (read as situationship) prior to this one. It was a short term, pretty toxic, relationship which ended 3 months prior to meeting my current partner. As you can imagine, emotional rollercoasters don't end amazingly. I obviously initiated no contact and was well over that one before even considering entering the dating scene again.

But, recently we saw each other coincidentally at a cafe and chatted for a few minutes before I left to work. It put me in those old thought routines thinking about make-believe arguments in my head, about the relationship itself, thinking about her and even checking her socials for a few minutes at work.

I am afraid because I thought I was completely 100% over her and these emotional bursts I had were in similar fashion to those I'd get after the end of our time together and so on. Don't get me wrong, I am very much emotionally invested in my current girlfriend, and I adore her. It is physically and emotionally healthy as well. It just freaked me out, and I am wondering if anyone has had these experiences and if it is something to be expected. Perhaps the emotional turmoil of the toxic relationship is more easily triggered than other classical relationships, i.e. the subconscious is still attuned to these toxic thought patterns? Perhaps there's a part of me that isn't over it yet?

I am interested to know your thoughts and experiences 🙂