Met a girl. We hit it off immediately. Everything was strong. I'm not used to truly dating. I had dated before but only a couple of dates, I'd lose interest and never pursue. This girl was different. I was so open and honest, and it was quite easy being around her. I was shocked myself. She made me feel safe and confident.
Already, I'm in uncharted territory. She was the one who always initiated. She made it very clear how much she liked me. I too expressed that I liked her. Things were going well, although I felt a slight shift recently. I couldn't quite figure it out until our last date. I figured something out about myself: I had been closing up and not being myself the last couple of weeks leading up to that date and on that date. I didn't understand why because I liked her, and wanted to be around her. Then I realized it was because once I realized how much I liked her, I unintentionally pulled back. I said bingo, I need to change this around before she notices.
Anyhow, she calls me up to say we're at the two-month mark and we haven't talked about how we're feeling. I know something was coming… She said usually at this point she can tell if she can commit and see a future with a person, but that she can't at this time see it with me (first off, I think two-months is too early to see a future with someone). She doesn't know what happened because she felt great chemistry then it seemed to fizzle and she can't pinpoint what. She enjoys talking to me and being around me, but something is missing. She said she's not sure because she's busy and has a lot of personal stuff she's dealing with or what. I admit at this point that I've been holding back lately, but that I want to turn that around. I told her I don't know what the future holds, just that I like her and want to continue seeing her and see where it goes. She gets back to me a few days later to say she wants to hang again soon but just needs to figure out when with her upcoming busy schedule.
Was she testing to see how I was feeling since she clearly has a timeframe? Or has she really lost interest? Should I stop trying?
I had to get it off my chest why and how I noticed I pulled back so I called to let her know. Why did I do that? Well, I knew that IF we were to schedule another date (which I wanted to say all these things in person on the date) it wouldn't be for another couple of weeks. That's IF there is a date. I had to be open and honest as she has been with me. I wanted to go back to me being open with her. At one point in the middle of our two-month journey, she'd text me the next morning to say how much she enjoyed our talks before bed, that she feels like she knows me better. I miss that. Also, I was so happy that I'm finding growth within myself. Stupid me for unintentionally closing up again because things just seemed too good to be true or that I wanted to slow things down because the feelings I had were rushing in and overwhelming. Anyhow, our texts were never the same after she called me that day. There were a few check-ins, but the weight of me knowing how I pulled why and the reason why I pulled back and wanting to change that was too heavy. I had to get it off my chest. I said to myself if she never intended to see me again, at least I can get this off my chest. She seemed receptive to it all. We had little exchanges here and there, but not much. Our texts have died down. She'd literally wait a day to reply and don't get me wrong, I'm not usually someone who reads into that stuff, but when she goes from 2 full months of texting every day to not replying after a day or two… it's hard. Not so sure there will be another date. I backed off initially just in case she needed space. But now I just have no clue.
Literally three weeks before this, she was telling me how happy she is. That her friends say she's glowing. She texted me every day, telling me how much she missed me all the way up until our last. How can things flip like that? I like her enough to still want to try and see where this goes, and it seemed as though she was going to too since she told me she wants to hang out again soon but just needs to figure out when she's free.
My friends are protective of me since I came out not ago and want the best for me. After it took her a day to reply to me, my friend told me I asked a question, got an answer, don't reply. The ball is in her court now. My friend said something, something I know inside, but it helped to hear it from someone else: "if she doesn’t register your sincerity and honesty in the last phone call you had with her, if that didn’t move the needle with her one bit, then I think she’s a person you’ve been giving too much credit toward. No one should cut a person off emotionally so quickly. To do such an about face/180. Not if she truly liked you and cared about you. Dating takes work. Relationships take even more work. And people make mistakes. We’re human. You work through that by communicating, forgiving and growing. You pulling back is a very tiny and normal reaction to a giant leap you’re taking in your life right now. And if she can’t understand that, or sympathize with that, or roll with that, I also think it’s a reflection on who she truly is, despite all her words and openness."
Obviously, at this point, I'm waiting to see if she'll reach out. But what do you guys think? As they say, sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I'm pondering reaching out in two weeks if I don't hear from her — maybe just for closure to say, I guess we're done. I hope you're well. Nice knowing you.
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