I have had a dating dilemma for a while when talking about family. I like talking to people about their families, their childhoods, how they grew up. I think it informs who the person is now in a lot of ways. Of course I don't judge (it's not like I only respect people from good families or anything) but it just provides insight. I also like hearing about people's happy childhoods. It truly makes me happy.
However (and I know how hypocritical this is) I have a hard time talking about my family and childhood. I had a really difficult childhood and I have two low-functioning parents, one has ruined his life with alcoholism and the other is mentally ill and abandoned me as an adult 9 years ago. I don't know how to talk to anyone about this on a date and I feel like it's a LOT to drop on a first date. Trust me when I say every answer would beg another question and we'd be down the rabbit hole in no time. Usually when people ask I give really little information and lie a little. For instance, I usually say my mom lives halfway across the country (truth) and we are estranged (half-truth, estrangement is not the same as abandonment) and I see my Dad sometimes (truth), he lives about 2 hours away (truth but clearly there's a big omission here).
I just don't know how to talk about this and what to say and when to say it. I also fear judgment. I'm afraid people are going to think I must be too broken to function (I am very high-functioning, actually. My friends always joke I'm far more high-functioning than I have a right to be). How do other people handle stuff like this? Am I being deceiving when I give the template answer (above)? Part of me feels like that answer is not being honest about who I am because some part of my identity is tied to my family but it's a story of inner strength, not dysfunction. What would you guys do? What would you want to hear if you were dating someone like me? Btw, I'm in my late 30s, if that matters.
submitted by /u/Daedaluswaxwings
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