How I tactfully handled a hypocritical red flag waver.

I(29f) had been talking to this guy(30m) for a few months. He’s good looking, has a good job, and goals. I worked with his sister at a coffee shop about 8 years ago (but didn’t even know he existed).

He expressed concern when he found out my roomie is a guy (and my best friend). Platonic. I am always up front about that with people I date because I know it’s apparently “a red flag” to some men.

The thing is: He still lives at home with his parents. He had moved back in after his last relationship which had ended over 3 years ago. It was to the point where they turned a room into a home gym for him. I was definitely turned off a little bit but decided to give him a chance because he seemed genuine. However, he made it a point several times to tell me how he didn’t like the fact that I had a guy roomie

The following conversation took place (copy and paste)

Him: I think woman would feel the same if he had a female roommate.I'm working on the trusting part again… my ex i think was doing me dirty in the honestly and loyalty department. But thats my thing to work on. I know not everyone is like that.

Me: Yeah if that's an issue we can be friends first. I have trust issues too

Him: Yeah.. Honestly idk if it would help. Like there's a point you just have to dive in ya know? Just take the risk so to speak. For what its worth, I'm not one to cheat or anything. I don’t have the heart for it to hurt someone like that especially after my ex was probably doing that.

Me: I think it would help. I prefer to take things slow and not miss any red flags.

Him: That's fine too. My only thing is I have been "friend zoned that way" ? sucks but I get it if it's what you need. I think your second job and covid has helped with that so far.

Me: I mean I'd rather get to know someone before deciding that I want to be intimate with them rather than realizing down the road that we are incompatible and then feeling dumb for letting them "get it in". Yeah the second job definitely has helped me filter out some bad eggs.

Him: No I get that completely, I'm not one for sleeping around. I prefer real relationships myself. I'm not looking to go through another divorce or big break up again lol Glad it sounds like we're pretty close to being on the same page in that aspect.

Anywho wanna see a picture my friend gave me for my bday?

FIN

So a few days later I sent this:

Me: So, I was feeling a little confused about a conversation we had a few days ago and I reread it. I'm getting a feeling that you may not know what you want. It jumped from "trust issues" to "just diving in" to "yeah real relationships". I feel that the uncertainty as well as living arrangements aren't on the same level as what I want and need in a potential relationship.

Him: okay thanks for letting me know.