I'd like to say that I've always been single by choice, but that would be a complete lie. In fact, I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic. The closest to a relationship I've ever gotten was when I was in middle school and I told a friend I liked him because he confessed that he liked me. Nothing ever came from that, partly because I didn't really like him as much as I thought I did.
Then when I was 16/17 I had a growing friendship with this guy I thought was an awesome person (spoiler, he was a bit of an ass) and I had developed really strong feelings for him and was completely and utterly infatuated with him as a person for over a year. I confessed my feelings and got rejected, but we stayed friends. In fact, he started using me as a tool to make his ex jealous and was toying with my emotions and I was too naive to see it at the time.
But failed confessions and unrequited love aside, I think I might've actually found someone.
Just as I was on the brink of throwing in the towel and getting a litter of cats, out of the blue I get a reddit message from a guy who's interested in getting to know me. (I had posted an ad in the realm of BDSM. Yes, I was a bit desperate.) And from the pictures and videos he had on his profile, I was more than intrigued to get to know him.
Not only was he drop dead gorgeous, but he also wasn't some Indian guy desperately begging for my attention (yes, I have noticed that I do attract a type). We chatted a bit on reddit first, he was very understanding, upfront and seemed genuinely interested in who I was as a person and we sort of clicked. It was easy talking to him and we had similar interests and expectations regarding where we would like this endeavor to end up.
The next day we moved over to snapchat and continued to talk there, again, we just hit it off.
Now, my post wasn't exactly PG 13 and neither were his photos, so after a few days of chatting we started to test the waters and things were getting steamier, but no pic or vid exchanges were made yet.
After about a week of chatting we were having spicier and more, vivid, exchanges alongside our already established friendly and cute chats. Then I asked him what type of Dom he was, because in all honesty, I was craving more dominance from him but he didn't exactly seem to pick up on it.
He was confused and said that he wasn't a Dom which honestly rattled me a little since that was what my post was about… I said that it was okay and that I just assumed he was because of my post. Though he didn't know much about what I was talking about, he said that if it was something that I'm interested in, he's be willing to try it.
So, we did. Well, as much as you can with get done with snapchat and it was pretty darn great.
Now we haven't really been chatting as much the last few days but then again, he's been busy with exams which I understand.
Though he has mentioned to me that he only has one week of exams left then he'll have more than enough time to focus his attention on me, which is great, but I'm scared.
I've never gotten further than 'I like you and you like me' before. I mean, we've been rather honest with one another and he's said that I'm the sweetest girl he's ever met and that he adores me. He's also the kindest, sweetest, funniest person I've ever come across in my life and I feel comfortable talking to him.
But what if he's only in it for a quick fling? He said he was open to taking things further if it felt right, but what if he didn't mean it? He calls me gorgeous every chance he gets and compliments me on specifics which I never get compliments for like my eyes, smile, voice, laugh, hair and even things I'm insecure about like my body. He also asks how I'm doing, how my day was and what's wrong or if I'm alright if I say it was average. He also keeps telling me how cute I am, how he wants to cuddle me, play with my hair, kiss me, rest his head on my thighs, sleep next to me and pull my leg over him, he's super cute and will not let me compliment him unless he can compliment me back. It feels real, like he genuinely cares, but what if I'm wrong?
I have no idea! I've never been in this situation before where someone this amazing was actually interested in me and actually cares to listen to my stupid ass.
Then comes the second issue: Let's say he is actually genuinely interested in something long term… how the heck do I move forward with that? I'm all talk and no bite! I don't even know if I could bite! I'm not ignorant, that's for sure. I know what I like, what I'm interested in and I will admit, I have done my nervous research on my first how to's like kissing. It's sad, but I'm so so so scared of my inexperience. How do I kiss? How do people even make out? What's normal for a first date? What's it supposed to feel like when you first kiss?
Also, how do I go about confessing my inexperience to him? It was something rather prominently disclaimed in my reddit post, but if he missed the BDSM part, maybe he missed that as well? So how and when do I tell him?
TL;DR: I'm a 100% virgin and have never even kissed though I've been talking a big game with this guy (for almost a month) I hope is genuinely interested in a relationship. How do I tell him but also not make a complete fool of myself due to my inexperience?
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