I (28F) just split up from a perfect guy (31M) because I let quarantine get the better of me. Now I regret it deeply but I don’t know if there’s a way back.

Hi reddit, frequent lurker here. TL;DR below.

I (28F) have been seeing Jake (31M) for the past 9 months or so. 2 years before meeting him I ended a 10 year abusive relationship, which I didn't start processing until a few months before meeting Jake. He is absolutely perfect but I wasn't sure about him to begin with, largely due to my own past trauma and uncertainty if I can commit. A little bit different lifestyles too, but nothing alarming.

With lockdown happening, we decided to quarantine together. The first couple of weeks are awesome and I'm starting to think he is the real deal. But then things slowly go downhill, mostly in my own personal life and to do with my own mental health. My studies are put on hold, I'm starting to lose some of my work and I'm thinking more about my ex (not in a romantic way, just.. still processing I suppose), which sends me into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. I'm not sleeping, I'm overwhelmingly down all the time. I start getting into weird silence modes and Jake clearly has no idea what to do. Most of the times I just shut down and get all funny until I get better, but sometimes I pick a random argument about something I wouldn't have even noticed in him before that annoys me now. I'm saturated, I'm fed up, the cabin fever's getting real and everything else in my life is hanging by a thread and I just don't know what to do about it, what support I need and how to improve my plummeting mental health.

I realise deep down that the best thing to do for us is to just move back into my house, give ourselves a breath of fresh air and not make this into a bigger thing than it has to be. We've not known each other enough for my mental burdens to be his and it is unfair on me to unload in this way. But I don't want to not spend an indefinite amount of time with him so I chicken out and decide to stay. He clearly doesn't want me to go either, even though he is struggling with this, so he isn't suggesting it either.

Well, the final straw just happened where after another episode he just was at his wits end. He didn't ask to break up but he was increasingly silent. Prodding him, he told me it wasn't my fault but that this new dynamic isn't something he is capable of handling it and is having second thoughts about pursuing this further. He said he had been certain he was wanting this and everything was pointing to us going steady and serious, but when all of this started happening, it was weird and it was too much.

I left and we've not spoken since. I can't help but feel this was an unnatural environment we decided to put ourselves into that wouldn't have otherwise come up. Maybe down the line I would have had a mental health dip that would have needed his support, but I feel like this was avoidable. He feels guilty because he doesn't feel like he's ready for such a serious development and doesn't know what to do for me, but I don't feel like it's fair. If anything, I put him in an impossible situation. I really want this to work out again.

TL;DR I met an absolute gem of a guy who is head over heels for me and I'm pretty sure I fell in love with. We decided to quarantine together and external pressures and past trauma reemerging sent me in a spiral of anxiety and depression which caused friction between us and he is not sure any longer about a serious relationship, even though he still likes me. We've not spoken since and I am losing my mind.